User talk:Rickyderas/sandbox

I really like the use of the subtitles, and I think this content is great! In the first sentence, you do not need to use parentheses off the bat. You can try saying something like "The Etruscans, who occupied ancient Rome at the time," or something like that! Make sure to add a coma after dug-outs in the first sentence. I think in the second sentence when you are explaining where the "burnt remains" go, you can use plural nouns like "kept in pots, urns, or ash-chests. I would also make the part where you say "then often kept in a columbarium" a different sentence as it seems a little long right now. Cbettica65 (talk) 13:14, 3 April 2019 (UTC) Thanks for the feedback, will definitely fix these.Rickyderas (talk) 13:22, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

good use of the headings to make it clear of what you are writing, I would look into either focusing on one section since right now all of them are a bit short. The links you have are also very helpful to understand your work. In the last sentence of precursors, I would take out the word "also". Oliviaohearn (talk) 13:24, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

Hey Ricky,

You did a great job of splitting it into sub sections. However, you lack details and content information. You should add more and elaborate on your writing Robertpark1999 (talk) 13:29, 3 April 2019 (UTC)robertpark1999

Hi Ricky,

You did a really good job with the concise writing, contributions to your sub headings and credible sources. The only thing you should fix is your citing through links. Some of them are errors. Otherwise, really good job! Miaeschlidt (talk) 15:58, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

Really good job Ricky! I like your use of citations and photos as well as linking other pages. I would add maybe a few more details in each section but overall very strong.Henrykuv (talk) 17:08, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

Good start! I like the content in the sections, but I think you should add more details to make it clear. For example, add more details to how burial was handled in each century and further explain why there was a change and what the change looked like. Also, I suggest putting a source for the last two sentences of the paragraph in the section titled, "Precursors." Additionally, place citation numbers after the punctuation.Awhite07 (talk) 22:43, 3 April 2019 (UTC)

In the sentence that reads, "Christians and Jews had also preferred burial due to the idea of preserving the dead body for resurrection", maybe try rewriting it as, "Christians and Jews preferred burial because they wanted to preserve the body for resurrection". This eliminates the past tense redundancy in "had also preferred" and makes the rest of the sentence more concise. Also, I am sure you will add things to the other subheadings but I will still add that in this comment. Fields18x (talk) 00:22, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

Good job to linking terms! In the first paragraph since you are only using one source I would just cite at the end of the paragraph instead of at the end of every sentence. Sophieb905 (talk) 00:41, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

I like it. Maybe add some links to terms like sarcophagi, because although I know what it is, an average reader might not. Also, remember to put citations at the end of sentences after the period, even though you might be citing information earlier on in the sentence. It looks cleaner. Regards, Rapidrider (talk) 15:47, 4 April 2019 (UTC)

My only suggestion would be that you might want to add pictures of each of the different places that you are talking about. Casey518 (talk) 23:56, 5 April 2019 (UTC)Casey O'Connor

I would suggest to add some pictures as well as adding a couple more facts with each subsection. Benitalukose (talk) 02:37, 6 April 2019 (UTC)Benita Lukose