User talk:Rjgins/sandbox

Added some hyperlinks
Rjgins (talk) 05:53, 5 February 2019 (UTC)

This is based on the draft of the article you shared with me in Word document form.

This is shaping up really nicely! It’s an important case, and it’s so surprising that there was nothing about it on Wikipedia.

First, you might consider starting with an introduction to explain why this case matters even though it never got to the Supreme Court. It was a little bit difficult to follow all of the holdings on assorted issues when I wasn’t sure if all of those holdings ended up being important, or if the case mainly had influence in one respect, and you were just summarizing every holding in the opinion.

I think you might be able to trim the facts down a bit. While they are very helpful, they seem perhaps a bit too detailed at points, and they are slightly hard to get through.

The fact that the Second Circuit decided to hear the case en banc without further argument was interesting to me (as someone interested in procedure), but I wasn’t sure why you included this detail. Consider explaining the implications of this decision, or else leaving out this information.

I’m not sure how many of these quotes you are planning on keeping, but I would advise summarizing wherever possible unless the particular language is essential.

I would try to vary sentence structure a bit. Many of your sentences start with “The court said/did/held X.”

I would suggest cutting down the opinion section a bit, and focusing more on the later impact of the case. Your class presentation did a great of convincing me that this case matters, so spending more space on that would be useful. Je7818 (talk) 05:30, 13 March 2019 (UTC)