User talk:Roosevelt2015/sandbox

In the abstract, what do you mean by "bone structures"? That doesn't make sense on its own. Sweiner02 (talk) 01:30, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

The abstract is really well linked! Sweiner02 (talk) 01:39, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

The mechanism needs substantial elaboration. How does this cause the problems seen in the disease? Some of this may not be known, but explain as much as you can. Sweiner02 (talk) 01:39, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

I assume that you will be elaborating the symptoms and turning them into paragraph form or a more detailed bulleted list. Sweiner02 (talk) 01:39, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

Your diagnosis doesn't tell anything about how the disease is diagnosed or how these forms are distinguished. Also, maybe the differences between these forms are something you would want to explain in the symptoms section. Sweiner02 (talk) 01:39, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

You seem to be missing a very important citation in the causes and prevention section. You're clearly talking about a specific study. Sweiner02 (talk) 01:39, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

What do the treatments do? Cite your sources! Sweiner02 (talk) 01:39, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

You only talk about current trials. What about recent research? Has any been done in the past 10 years? Sweiner02 (talk) 01:39, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

You'll need to properly format the rest of your references, of course. Sweiner02 (talk) 01:39, 24 July 2015 (UTC)

I think that your formatting is incorrect for the main article and its subheadings. When it's done correctly, the subheadings (mechanism, symptoms, etc.) should be numbered 1, 2, 3, etc.; not 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, etc.JR018017 (talk) 23:42, 22 July 2015 (UTC)

1st paragraph: remove the comma after "genetic disorder," otherwise this is a good abstractJR018017 (talk) 13:29, 23 July 2015 (UTC)

Mechanism: I would add a little more, maybe rephrase some of the things you have in your abstract. Also, are there any illnesses that are associated with excess glycerol in the body?JR018017 (talk) 13:29, 23 July 2015 (UTC)

Signs and Symptoms: I would put "high blood glycerol level" and "high urine glycerol level" into a sentence, and then leave the rest in list form. Are any of these symptoms particularly dangerous/deadly? JR018017 (talk) 13:29, 23 July 2015 (UTC)

Diagnosis: Is there a test to diagnosis this? Also, re-read the last sentence, I think you're missing something.JR018017 (talk) 13:29, 23 July 2015 (UTC)

Cause and Prevention: Is hyperglycerolemia caused by excess glycerol in the bloodstream, or is excess glycerol in the bloodstream a result of the actual cause of the disease? (I'm not sure, just asking). Last sentence: change "there is a high prevalence..." to "there WAS a high prevalence..." to keep it past tense.JR018017 (talk) 13:29, 23 July 2015 (UTC)

Treatment and prognosis: Looks pretty good. Is it deadly?JR018017 (talk) 13:29, 23 July 2015 (UTC)

Current Research: Looks goodJR018017 (talk) 13:29, 23 July 2015 (UTC)

References: You can delete this, a reference list will automatically be generated for you.JR018017 (talk) 13:29, 23 July 2015 (UTC)