User talk:Royo322/sandbox

Derek, The draft is start. The history section is very thin. Take a look at the One China Policy page. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-China_policy You could include some more information about the roots of the policy. You have two magazine pieces and a journal article. What about a book on China? How does the one child policy work? How is it enforced? Was it based on something? Are their data to show the impact over time? What other countries have adopted similar policies to shape demography? Overall, there could be a lot more here. Cassell04 (talk) 01:28, 11 March 2019 (UTC)

This is a start. A couple of suggestions/questions. First, it's not clear to me what your topic is. What immigration policy in particular? Which one? You refer to immigration policies in a very general way but you need to be specific. Second, what violence are you talking about? Is it violence committed against immigrants or by immigrants? In which country? And what point in time? Is it sexual assaults? Is it robberies? Is it attacks on the streets? Third, it's clear to me where this is suppose to go. Is this a stand alone article? If so, then it's not clear what the topic is. If you plan to add it to an existing article you should make clear which article. Fourth, what immigrants are you talking about? There are different immigrants and not all are asylum seekers. Lastly, the article is written in a passive voice throughout. For example you write: "It is being portrayed as a migrant crisis to all European States, testing immigration policy as never seen before." That's passive. Try to write in an active voice: "The immigration crisis tests immigration policies." Your draft is filled with passive sentences. Try to rewrite them to be active, clear and concise. One additional point, you have to leave out your point of view. So what you say, "testing immigration policy as never seen before." How do you know that? According to who? Or you write, "These external pressures are changing Europe internally, socially, and economically from within." I'm not sure what that means. Also how do you know that? What specifically has changed internally? What has changed socially? What has changed economically because of immigration? In essence I'm asking you to be more precise.Cassell04 (talk) 18:42, 7 October 2018 (UTC)

I found your draft to be very relevant to current issues in Europe, although a little more information about what policy is would be more helpful to the average reader. I did appreciate the tone you used to raise awareness of the violence arising in many countries due to migration laws. I would like to see a couple examples of countries and specific laws or policies, just because I think it will help to get your point across to the reader. I thought the draft itself was well written with not much bias, so just being a little more specific would make all the difference you would need. Happy writing!Anna.tonoyan (talk) 13:23, 20 October 2018 (UTC)

Peer Evaluation: Good additions! The facts are good but in the paragraph under “added to background” there are a lot of critical and wordy parts. Things like “large a plentiful” “unsurprisingly double” “huge success.” Make sure you keep a neutral stance and keep statements brief and factual. You could also add a hyperlink to “Mao Zedong.” At the end of the “added to effects” section, you could make a list of other alternative solutions that incentivize child birth. It is also a little short, you can add more content. You could add a section going into the birth rate, you say it aligns with other developed countries, but which ones, is it a high or low average? What facts show it does it not appear to be rising in the future? A lot more factual information could be added. Overall, good job! Jbracale (talk) 20:12, 12 March 2019 (UTC)