User talk:Rrdericks

Psychology Today Diary of a schizophrenic

As a child I recall saying to my mother that Dad talked in circles. I was about ten years old. I don't remember much of what happened at home, only trama. It seemed like every night at the supper table there would be a fight. The emotional pain pushed me to strike back, and I did it in the only wy I could-- I would stare at my father. I don't recall how old I was when I had my first hallucination. But it occurred when I stared at my father. I would see white flashes, which I learned how to push away. But I couldn't I couldn't forget the feelings that raged during the nightly wars, so I learned how to ignore my emotions. I can even remember a time or two when I realized that what I was feeling was frightening or even irrational. I had to override those feelings to survive. My college career lasted two semesters. Despite the A's and B's I gotd initially, my lilfe slowly fell apart. I was 22 years old, in the prime of my life, but I couldn't pull my act together. I didn't know how to save myself. I was 25 years old when I saw my first psychiatrist. He asked if I wanted to be admitted to the howpital. I said, "Sure," and the next thing I knew, I was getting indoctrinated into life on a psychiatric ward. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. It would be the first of many visits. My parents were shocked to learn that I was in the hospital. But I didn't take it too seriously, and after the Haldol hit me, I wasn't able to react to much of anything.