User talk:Rubyfreeman/sandbox

Aditi's peer edits
One such therapy, originally conceptualized by Captain Russel Shilling, is currently being developed by The United States Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA). I would add a citation here just to clarify the source!

There is however a distinction that should be made. Graphic medicine acts as an umbrella term that encompasses a host of therapeutic techniques. Therefore, comic book therapy comfortably fits under its heading as just one of many therapies that the field of graphic medicine investigates. i think this is a really important distinction but it might not be written in the wikipedia style, its a little stylistic if you know what i mean? But definitely a really good point to make.

One professor of graphic medicine believes this could be a problem in the future as it pushes medical students to stay within the limitations of an unoriginal box. The inclusion of graphic medicine within medical school curriculum and medical school students' participation in comic book therapy could change that drastically. I think maybe also add a citation here. Overall - it is a really great and thorough wiki page!!! you have relaly great organization and a good level of neutrality as well, really good job!

Aditi Ghatlia (talk) 03:01, 24 February 2018 (UTC)

Eirini's Peer Edits
"The combination of text and image enable rehabilitation patients to process their memories and emotions through two different, yet cohesive mediums." -"enable" should be changed to "enables" since it is referring to the "combination".

The first paragraph is a really strong introduction to the topic. Maybe adding some references to clarify where you got the information from.

I agree with Aditi that the sentence "Therefore, comic book therapy comfortably fits under its heading as just one of many therapies that the field of graphic medicine investigates." is a little too informal and doesn't seem to fit into the style of the rest of the article.

I am not sure why you have underlined the titles of the novels you include in the "Reading a comic book" section (maybe that's how you refer to novels on wikipedia? not sure though...)\

"The process can sometimes, hopefully frequently, lead to significant cognitive and emotion breakthroughs." -the word "emotion" should be changed to "emotional". I'm not sure if you should include "hopefully frequently" in the sentence.

"With the advancement of technology and the diversification of the patient population, medical practices has undergone significant change within the last century." -the word "has" should be changed to "have" since it's referring to medical practices (plural).

I was thinking that the last couple of sentences are presenting a certain point of view as more favorable (the one that supports the increased inclusion of comic book therapy into the field of medicine).

Overall, your article is REALLY strong and interesting and you've done a great job formatting it and adding all the useful information! I would add some more references to make the information stronger. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Eirini Souroulidi (talk • contribs) 03:58, 24 February 2018 (UTC)