User talk:Ruthaxton/sandbox

Riley Christensen Evaluation. I think the phrase "the book was officially removed from the public and have not explained an official reason why the book was removed." is a little repetitive and needs cleanup. The article sometimes has clunky wording in it, thereby making it difficult to follow or just awkward to read. Perhaps condensing what you've written will help. The phrase, "may parents don't want children to discover non heteronormative families without their control" seems like original research, either preface that by saying "in x opinion" or just reword it. Everything you have is well sourced, and but looking at the sources you used, I think that you could extract more information that could help the article. I am a little concerned about the wording that you use as it may not integrate well into the rest of the piece. You may need to reword some sentences so they flow better within the section (this is kinda hard to gauge as I don't know where the sentences will end up). The only other edits I have is that the wording needs to be made more formal, right now it still is somewhat informal. On the other hand, the challenges that you wrote are well done and I think they don't need any more editing.

Sam Charaf Evaluation: I think you did a very good job including citations - each sentence comes directly from a source, so you avoid the possibility of original research. I agree with Riley that the wording for some sentences should be cleaned up, but that will come with time. Right now, it seems like there is a lot of negative criticism in the reception section - were you able to find any positive criticism here? I think including something about how the book has been successful or inclusion of praise of some sort would make the article a little more balanced. Other than this, you have a good start on the themes section but a couple of the themes such as tolerance and acceptance only have one sentence of description. If you have time you might want to add a little more for each, referencing the source it came from. Also nice job with signal phrases. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Sac304 (talk • contribs) 18:54, 15 April 2019 (UTC)