User talk:Rworley02/sandbox

Rachel, I think that your overall page looks great! I was able to follow along and get an understanding of this disease without having known anything about it prior. I appreciated that when you described the symptoms you also described them using layman's term. Regarding the flow of the page I would but the Abstract portion before the Contents since it seems as if that's how the other pages usually go. Also, under causes you mention that is happens on the long arm of a chromosome. I would mention what is a long arm of a chromosome vs the short arm to help people better understand how and where this mutation occurs. Also, in the epidemiology section it seems as if you have a sentence repeated. I would also add more information under history if it is available because I think it would be interesting to see how far this diagnosis has come and if there are any future treatments for it. --Mgauthi (talk) 20:10, 14 November 2019 (UTC)

Hi Rachel,

I think you have great information on your page. This genetic disorder seems very complex and I think you did a great job gathering information! I think you should elaborate on your abstract, add more details. In the mechanism section you mention that this is due to a genetic defect and you explained the defect. I think it would be beneficial to mention how multiple systems are affected because of the defect. You do a great job explaining the signs and symptoms which in part show how multiple body systems are affected. Try to work from that foundation and build on your mechanism and interactions with multiple systems. I like the genetic explanation graphic, maybe there are some picture online that you can use to show some of the symptoms. You also have good citations. Overall great job! --ILgdl18 (talk) 05:42, 15 November 2019 (UTC)

--Sweiner02 (talk) 16:38, 7 December 2019 (UTC)
 * It looks like you still have some notes to yourself that you are working on. They look like good thoughts, make sure they get finished.
 * I like the additions you have made to the existing sections, but I'd like to see more added. Addressing some of your own marks will help.
 * Missing recent research.