User talk:Ryannikki29/sandbox

Noah's Review
The article is well written overall. one thing I would like to point out is the number of times that "other countries tried but failed" is mentioned in the article. As a reader that sentence was ingrained in to my brain as well as the phrase Toledo steel had two different carbon contents. Overall, this is a substantial improvement from the current article.

MECH 2960 Instructor Review
I apologize for only getting to review this now, it's been busy with suggested edits to everyone's articles!

This is a huge expansion of the article, which while not required, it is impressive! A few minor edits I suggest:
 * In the history section, I would again hyperlink to the article on "Toledo, Spain"
 * if you have an "and or", I suggest changing it to "and/or"
 * Make sure your final contribution has used the citation tool so that it links properly at the bottom of the page
 * In general, try linking to more of wikipedia, even if it seems you're duplicating hyperlinks from the intro section
 * The last two sentences of the history section maybe could just be moved to the production section? It seems to overlap a lot
 * Link to the forging article when say "forged". Are there any articles on high and low carbon steels? Could link to those.
 * In general, avoid the word "very" in technical writing. There is usually a different adjective, or it can just be left out altogether
 * "The steels had to be forged at a certain temperature, for a certain amount of time." This sentence doesn't communicate much more than the previous sentence. I would delete, and if you think something from this sentence added, do it by re-wording the previous sentence
 * Does anyone know how much carbon content in the low and high steels? If so, it might be good to include that range?
 * The sentence " Compared to other mainstream steels at the time, Toledo was the absolute best." likely this will fall afoul of the "neutral vantage point" rules. Could you re-phrase in a way that won't be seen as non-neutral?
 * For the "Tamahagane", you can link to elsewhere on wikipedia too. Looks like it's listed as a steel https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tamahagane and under the sword-making https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_swordsmithing

Hopefully these are relatively painless and help you before you upload to wikipedia!

UML MECH2960 (talk) 18:10, 15 December 2018 (UTC)