User talk:S. Choy, PharmD/sandbox

Do the group's edits substantially improve the article as described in the Wikipedia peer review "Guiding framework?" Overall, the group added a lot more information related to the diagnosis, treatment, mechanism, vulnerable populations, and complications of fifth disease. This improves the depth of information available for fifth disease. They have also added many studies and reviews to reference their information to ensure credibility. There is a lot of technical and medical jargon throughout the edits, which may be difficult for a non-science person to understand. I will comment on this in a later prompt. S. Choy, PharmD (talk) 02:37, 3 August 2021 (UTC) Diagnosis: The information presented in this article is informative and dense. Based on the Wikipedia:Manual of Style/Medicine-related articles, one of the "pitfalls" for medical writing is writing for the wrong audience. Wikipedia is meant to be written for a non-science reader. We must assume that readers don't have much science background when reading medical articles on Wikipedia. Some medical jargon that caught my attention include the following: —anti-parvovirus B19 IgM under the "Diagnosis" section is a technical term that could potentially be expanded upon by inserting a hyperlink on antibodies or antibody assays; or can be introduced more thoroughly in the paragraph —PCR and DNA hybridization in the "Diagnosis" section can also be expanded upon by inserting a hyperlink or a small definition. —Vertical transmission under the "Transmission" section can be simplified by writing a "layman's" definition. —Hydrops fetalis under the "Transmission" section can be expanded upon by inserting a hyperlink or explaining what it is.

Another comment about writing style is being consistent when using erythema infectiosum or fifth disease throughout the article. I understand that both terms are used to describe the disease, but for the sake of readability, I recommend choosing one or other other throughout the sections of the article. Target audience Criticism: lots of medical jargon (e.g. anti-parvovirus; antibody names; PCR; DNA hybridization); ; not much flow; very technical; Good: includes differential diagnosis Transmission: Criticism: medical jargon - vertical transmission; hydrops fetalis -> provide hyperlinks for further reading and definition Use of erythema infectiosum and fifth disease: for the sake of consistency, use one or the other throughout the article

Has the group achieved its overall goals for improvement?