User talk:Sabadilshad/sandbox

-Right off the bat, I am receiving concrete facts while reading your page which is great. But, word choice errors stand out. For example in your Biography section, you said, "Her first video had to do with migration", you can rephrase and use the words "was about" or "was in regard to" instead of saying "had to do." Words such as "things" could be changed to "items" and so forth. The quality of your page would improve changing these simple errors. I think that if you simply go back and reread your page you can catch these errors easily. (:

-You can improve some claims add by adding citations to back it up. Such as, when you stated that she claims to not be religious. I'm also having trouble seeing the relevance to this sentence. Is this sentence significant because her videos have religious aspects to them? If this is true, you could give an example.

-You can also try to be a little more clear although most of your sentences are straight forward and go hand in hand. But, under the section titled "Education" you mentioned that she studied with two other artists and was self-taught, did she simply draw influence from them but taught herself or did she study somewhere after she had already begun her artwork. Be careful with starting sentences with "It", it would be helpful to be clear of what exactly you mean. The sentences would flow nicely in this way.

- After fixing simple grammatical errors and the clarity of some sentences you should be good to go. You gave useful information I learned a lot about who she is by reading the biography. The background on her journey to art is interesting I'm glad you mentioned it in detail. You did a great job at making neutral claims that did not sway in certain directions. For the most part, you backed up your claims with an example of the artwork or article it came from. You used a variety of sources that are legitimate. Overall, the information was great you did the artist justice! Samdia503 (talk) 03:45, 15 May 2019 (UTC)