User talk:Sahilb 21/sandbox

Wikipedia Addition Evaluation
Sahil's Evaluation: - "Hike Bauer, *a* professor..." and "Gardinier, *a* professor..." - I am unsure of what a "felt source" is. If the sentence following this term is a description of what it means, make that explicit. - Good lead-in's! (ie "Bauer argues...") - "In a patriarchal and homophobic society, Bauer argues that books provide a source of feelings..." I would re-word this. What do you mean by "source of feelings"? Does she use writing as a form of catharsis? Is she trying to convey her feelings through the book? - "...especially as archival fever leads to questionable contributions for the sake of adding to the archive." Again, I would reword this. I'm unsure of what this is saying- what is archival fever? What do you mean by "questionable contributions"? - "views "Fun Home" as queer literature *that* bends..." - "As Linda Bander, Professor of English at Tufts University, defines Shakespeare's plays as containing tragic men and comic women, showcasing the intertwining of gender and genre." I would include an introductory sentence to indicate that you will be making a comparison; otherwise, it seems free-floating and irrelevant. - "Bechdel's motivation to write the book was to dive into Bruce's life..." This wording is a little awkward. Maybe say that "Bechdel's goal was to dive into..." - "made different choices in his shoes"; I would reword this and say something more along the lines of, "made different choices if she were in his position" - "The contrasts between..." --> "*This* contrasts between..." - Some sources are cited, but perhaps include more citations (for example, after the Shakespeare line).

Overall Takeaway: You have incorporated some really great information! I would say the main place for improvement would just be in cleaning up the wording. Use simpler words and make sure to explain unknown terms. Great job!

Hrithik's Eval: The wording that you have employed in particular areas of the text (as mentioned above) do seem somewhat out of place/ leave room for broad interpretation, which can lead to various other issues. The analysis/scholarship segment of the piece does appear to be a large edit for this wiki page, but the main concern that I have for this section arises from the inability of this additional material to merge cohesively with the other content of the page. It currently appears as though you have more so summarized the academic literature on this novel than integrate elements of them towards creating an analysis segment, but other than that great work!

Evaluation Feedback Overview: Received several grammatical and sentence structure comments that were very useful in revisions from Sayani and Hrithik's advice was useful for how I will have to think about how an analysis section needs to be set up especially to make it flow with the rest of the page as well as within the section to be coherent. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Sahilb 21 (talk • contribs) 06:13, 5 December 2019 (UTC)

Fun Home Talk Page Comments
I posted my proposed changes to the talk page of the Fun Home page, but unfortunately did not get any feedback or criticisms.