User talk:Salex68/sandbox

Hi Sam! This is a great topic. I really enjoyed reading your draft and I left notes below. Please let me know if there are things I need to clarify. You really have a knack for breaking down medical topics into relatable, easily understood writing. You have a great start here, but there's a bit more work needed before I can be of the best help. I look forward to reading more when it's done! Well done. -Jazz

Abstract- The abstract was a smooth read. You're great at teaching health information in your writing. (I'm sure this will serve you well in medical school!) You also did a great job of including the talking points listed below. The formatting of the abstract can be improved a bit. The abstract section headers can be removed and the paragraphs can be placed together at the top of the wiki article. This will improve formatting and help the abstract to also a lot more smoothly.

Short summary major features

History of disease

Alternative names for disease

Statistics and demographics

Mechanism - This is a nice outline/framework to begin discussing the mechanism portion of the wiki article. Of course, there is quite a bit more information that may need inclusion. Maybe there is research in this area to suggest a more well-understood mechanism, or additional theories for the underlying mechanisms of excited delirium. Also, progression of the disease (maybe into more severe neurological disorders?) should be included.

Pathophysiology

Stages/Progression

Symptoms - Seems like a very thorough list. Is it possible to hyperlink some of the bullets to other wiki articles? Also, discussing acute/chronic features should be incorporated.

List symptoms

Specify if symptoms are acute or chronic

Warning signs

Description of symptoms

Diagnosis - This is another great start! However, the criteria listed below from the rubric should be in more detail.

Diagnostic techniques

Diagnostic criteria

Family/Medical history

Cause and prevention - This info you've included here is interesting. Though this is not a well-characterized cause, are there other factors aside from drug intoxication? Are there genetic/familial factors or pre-existing conditions that can trigger this? What groups are affected (i.e. age, race, etc...)?

Causes

Screening

Possible prevention

Groups most likely to be affected

Risk factors

Treatment and Prognosis - This is another great list. Yet, the section could include a bit more information on prognosis. Also, should the information on initial assessment be included in Diagnosis? It seems that area would be a better fit.

Describe common treatments

Life expectancy

Long-term complications

Holistic care

Recent Research - "Coming Soon" :)

Most relevant research within 10 years

Explanation of results

Cites credible sources

Style

Easy to read - Great read! Very easy to understand. It's sort of conversational.

Correct grammar - There are small thinkos we can chat about when I see you in class. There were no major grammar issues.

Follows Wikipedia style manual - The formatting is a little bit off from the usual Wikipedia style. For instance, the abstract section doesn't necessarily need a label. It should be the very first section read, above the "content" box. Also, the sections don't need to be separated out/highlighted in the abstract. The talking points from the abstract rubric can just be discussed.

Links to topics that need explanation

Jmontgomery15 (talk) 15:48, 12 November 2015 (UTC)

Sweiner02 (talk) 22:28, 12 November 2015 (UTC)
 * Drop the heading. The full page will add its own, and this just makes your formatting confusing.
 * Abstract doesn't need a heading.
 * Don't use subheadings unless they add something. I would definitely leave them out of your abstract, or places where you're only using one subheading (Mechanisms).
 * Use links! You may still need to do some rewriting to make it easier to understand, but it will be helped a lot by links to many terms.
 * Very good and clear symptoms section. I would leave out the "all acute" sentence and just make sure you talk about onset and recovery somewhere.
 * Diagnosis: why is that sentence its own paragraph?
 * You said that it can't be prevented, then you give a way to prevent it. This is confusing.
 * Overall this is fairly well-cited, but I would like you to find a few more sources and not really so heavily on those three.