User talk:Sandy176

I need help. I have had insomnia since I was a child. I was physically abused by both my parents. I use to wait up until my mother came home after her drinking all day and into the night, anticipating what was to come. Her entry into the door was ususally followed by her coming into our bedroom and grabbing us off the top bunk by the hair and beating us with anything she could get her hands on or just by throwing me around. Me being the oldest and the most unattractive, she gave it to me the worse. She broke my arm, collar bone and knocked me unconscious several times. My father abused me by day. It was a viscious circle. Ever since then I have never had a normal sleep. I was institutionalized after reporting her to the police and there I received librium for sleep among other medications. I am 61 now and am desperate to find help. I am being treated by the Veterans Hospital and have been treated by a variety of doctors throughout my life with a variety of medications. The medications that worked were halcion, seconol and temazepam 45mg. The Dr's at the VA have given me a variety of synthetic medications which just cause a variety of side effects. I have tried a various sleep hygiene steps which I continue some to this day. I do take a hot soak every night along with a decaf tea and a piece of pound cake along with my medications. I tried meditation, music, aroma, self hipnosis but my mind does not relax. I am constantly thinking about one thing or another. I no longer watch T.V.. I rent movies that will keep me calm. I do have PTSD and bipolar. The medication they gave me for that did not help me. I got fat, slept walked, developed a hiatal hernia due to trazadone (is what one doctor told me)and they did not help me at all. The only medication I am willing to take is the sleeping medication. I am having an argument with these doctors here as they tell me that temazepam 45 mg is too strong. I have been taking it for close to 12 years. I started out in small doses and wound up 5 years ago getting it increased to the present dosage. I don't think any of these doctors know much about this illness. I would like to speak with a professional on insomnia. I tried not to take any medication on several occasions and ended up having to go back due to no sleep at all. This past year I tried for 19 days and became very ill. Hallucinations, voices too loud or too low, inability to make sense of anything. I was starting to just mumble and stumble. Visual impairment. the ground looked far away or uneven. my lips and skin had a numbness all over. I had to go to the hospital for 10 days. These doctors here say there is nothing more that can be done. There were two medications when I became and adult where I only had to take one tablet was the seconol and the halcion. I went right to sleep and had no side effects. They say the VA doesn't have those type medications and that Halcion is dangerous. I was given that one in Germany while I was stationed there for 10 years. During my youth before I joined the military I had no medical insurance or doctors so I smoked Marijuana and drank a little alchohol with it. I was afraid of the alchohol because of what it did to my mother so I didn't entertain that on a regualr basis. The marijuana relaxed me like I had never felt before. Due to the abuse I was a very tense person and still am. I don't know how to relax. My mind is constantly thinking. It never stops. When I do sleep my dreams are sometimes nightmares or some far way out dream. Sometimes they seem so real I wake up screaming or crying or I am so happy I am awake and it was just a dream. My dreams and my arthritic pain plus my dog licking me in the face in the middle of the night are what wake me up in the middle of what I hope to be an hour sleep. I so dream of a normal sleep. Will I ever sleep. These doctors here seem like they have lost their patients with me. I need help. Can some one give me some useful information. This is torture. What will it be like for me when I am 70 or 80. The last time I tried to sleep without aid I did nod off for about 15 seconds. my head would drop and I would wake up. Some one please help me. I am desperate. SandySandy176 (talk) 03:41, 24 May 2010 (UTC)