User talk:Schipwiki

Jim, I posted the following on your talk page...I was not sure if I shoudl post it there or here within my own talk page. So I dod both. What is teh proper technique?

Here is the heads up on the latest edits for Lean Design. Lean Design is described more completely, I went back to describe how it differs from traditional design. I went back to most of the main literature on the topic to reference the descriptive elements of Lean Design. I took a lot of care in the latest go around to make the article as neutral as possible. Again - thanks so much for your help. Please let me know if you think it needs further editing, or whether it can be published and then followed by additional referencing. I plan to continue to keep it up to date, and I hope others will also add to it and refine it. Best regards, Tim S Schipwiki (talk) 00:15, 18 April 2013 (UTC)
 * Either technique is OK. However, I am much more likely to pay attention to a note on my talk page, since I currently have almost 3,000 pages on my watchlist.  Cullen 328  Let's discuss it  04:37, 18 April 2013 (UTC)

Latest Lean Design draft
Hello Schipwiki,

Here are my thoughts on your latest draft.

The first mention of Lean design should be bold, by adding triple apostrophes before and after the text, as I have done here.

Whenever a person is mentioned by name, the full name should be used in the first mention. After that, refer to the person just by their surname.

Wikipedia pages such as Lean Startup should never be used as a reference. Instead, reference the book. References must be to reliable sources, and Wikipedia, as a user contributed, crowd-sourced project is not itself a reliable source.

Wikilink more extensively; for example, Toyota Production System at first mention, lean manufacturing, Six Sigma, Shingo Prize for Excellence in Manufacturing and so on. If any of the researchers mentioned have Wikipedia biographies, wikilink accordingly.

This sentence (and others like it) is problematic: "To be successful, a corporate wide lean design implementation must include the following 8 dimensions." Avoid phrases like "world class performance level with respect to design and innovation". This is not neutral, encyclopedic language. It sounds like prose from an advertising agency. We should not be telling people what they "must" do in Wikipedia's voice. Instead, you can quote or paraphrase an expert saying what they think people ought to do. Rigorously prune all promotional or advocacy language from your prose. Strive for an impartial tone. If you haven't yet done so, please read WP:NPOV.

A sentence like this: "For example, the following methods and business tools are used by organizations who excel at Lean Design: Value Stream Mapping, Design for Six Sigma, Visual Control, QFD, DFMA, and Taguchi methods" definitely needs a reference. Any bold or contentious assertion needs a reference.

I hope that these comments are useful to you.  Cullen 328  Let's discuss it  04:35, 18 April 2013 (UTC)

Article now in main space
Hello Tim,

I did a little copy editing, and then moved the draft from your sandbox to the main Wikipedia space. Congratulations on writing a good first article!  Cullen 328  Let's discuss it  05:04, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

Thank you
Hello Tim,

Thank you very much for your kind remarks on my talk page. Thank you even more for deciding to become a Wikipedia editor. Please feel free to ask me questions at any time, and I hope you will continue contributing to this great free information resource.  Cullen 328  Let's discuss it  21:39, 20 April 2013 (UTC)