User talk:Sciencerabbit08/Healthcare and the LGBT community

Draft Feedback
Hi Here is some feedback on this draft. I know some of this from what's currently on the page, but I'll just provide feedback on the whole thing since it would benefit from feedback too. A general note: this is a really great start and you've got a lot of solid sources to build on. I would re-read what you've got so far and compare the tone of your draft to this article: Same-sex marriage in Maryland. I know this article is much different than Healthcare in the LGBT community, but it is a Good Article and excels in tone.

Some more specific notes:
 * I would recommend removing the authors from the citations from the section. This one way in which Wikipedia writing is different from academic writing. If the reader is interested, they can always click on the in-line citation. An example of this in your draft is where you say "Aleshire et. al" or from a few paragraphs later "This citation is from the article Marginalised mothers...", you can remove that part.
 * I would also suggest looking at the structure of your draft. You might want to consider grouping the causes in a clear order and laying that order out in the first sentence of this section. You can also break this section up into additional subsections - like this part of the same Maryland article
 * The first sentence in the current version, "Some causes of lack of access..." is a great way to start this section (I'm not sure if it contains everything you want to address, but the structure is great!)
 * I think wrapping up the section with linking to Minority Stress is great. I like that you've kept that in your draft.
 * If you want to move the citations live, I think you can do that whenever you want. I would continue to refine the text before moving it over.

Let me know if you have any questions about this feedback! Great start! Will (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:58, 9 November 2020 (UTC)