User talk:ScoutHarris/draft of Lila Meade Valentine

feedback
Hi --what an incredible expansion! Here's some feedback for improvement:
 * Watch out for word choice that seems to promote the subject. Some of the words in the lead appear on the words to watch, meaning that their use should be carefully monitored to make sure the subject is not being promoted. The words that caught my eye were "talented" and "pioneered"
 * suffered the loss of a stillborn child in 1888 seems off in phrasing. Either they suffered the loss of a child or they had a stillborn child.
 * traveled to Athens, George probably Georgia :)
 * whites and blacks sat side by side in the same public hall, with no line of demarkation given that this is within a quote, you can either correct the spelling to demarcation as a minor fix that doesn't change the meaning or you can indicate that it is an original spelling error and not yours by inserting sic after the word (more here)
 * The paragraph under Health care lacks citations
 * idioms are generally avoided (opened her eyes for the need for improved access to health care)
 * For the section titled "Conquering tuberculosis" I would choose a word other than conquering, as it is a euphemism (MOS:EUPHEMISM). You use "eradicating" in the section and that could be an acceptable substitute, as I don't feel it confers the same "triumphant and battle-like" tone
 * typo (while also observing the problems back in American with a wider lens)
 * In the Virginia Suffrage News section, I offset your long quote with the use of a template. The template I used was Template:Quote
 * Valentine, like other members of the Equal Suffrage League privately supported women's suffrage for all, regardless of race for contentious claims like this, it's best to put a citation directly after it, even if it duplicates the citation that follows in a sentence or two
 * last paragraph in the section Strategic changes and the Nineteenth Amendment is uncited
 * In comparison to the length of the body of the article, the lead is quite short. I don't feel like it adequately summarizes the body of the article.

Much of this is minor changes and shouldn't take long at all! You did a great job of supporting what you wrote with citations to reliable sources. You also did a good job of linking to other articles to help build the tree of knowledge for readers! Let me know if you have questions about this feedback. Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:30, 2 July 2019 (UTC)