User talk:Sdekk13/sandbox

I think that the organization of the Good Maternal Health section was really good and easy to follow. The citations look great and the use of resources seems adequate. The information in the section looks to be very relevant in the context of the assigned article.

A few suggestions: "Folic acid can aid neural tube formation in a fetus early in gestation and, therefore, should be taken / is recommended as soon as possible. -- The wording/phrasing reads a little awkward, so I made a few changes to the sentence. "A regulated diet and low-impact exercise can help reduce the likelihood of neonatal morbidity. Vitamins D, E, C, and B6 are not recommended by the World Health Organization. During a pregnancy, one's intake of caffeine should be monitored and reduced (to less than 300 mg/day)" This section seems a little choppy and the lack of citation on the first two sentences is a bit misleading. I think the second sentence might also be unnecessary. Try combining the ideas of the sentences or add transitions to make them a little more cohesive and not like separate topics.

I think that the title of the section may be a bit vague if this is how it will be added into the article. Something a little more specific like "Recommended Maternal Health Practices" may be more direct without the bias or implication that comes with the term "good". Otherwise, this section of the draft was very informational without being too complicated, especially because it included some medical terms. It was easy to read and looks like a good addition to the original article in an area where it was lacking. --AliciaJurado (talk) 10:35, 15 April 2020 (UTC)

Ashianna feedback: This is a great section, I learned a lot about the intersections of religion and health! I think in the first paragraph another example could be helpful. The use of the word "definitely" and "evident" make the section seem a little less factual and more like an opinion piece, so I would maybe use more objective words. In the sentence that says "there is not a lot of discussion regarding" I would maybe add where there is a lack of discussion I.e. is there a lack of published work on the topic, a lack of academic studies on the topic, etc. The phrase "Apostolic sect members" sounds awkward to me but I am not super sure what a correct change in phrase would be but maybe saying "Apostolic, Christians in Zimbabwe" would be better. I think the conclusion could be more fleshed out as it ends fairly abruptly.

Prof. D. Review: I'm really excited about these contributions. I think all three of these sections are really important additions to the existing article. Before you go "live", i think it will be a good idea with this article to post to the "talk" page of the original article with a description of what you are adding and why just to give other editors an opportunity to weigh in and also, then the edits will be expected, therefore not received as a surprise, and so more likely to be welcomed. I do think the lead of the original article is a bit short and could be expanded a bit. For the Race and Maternal Health S'n I'd like to see more citations/sources. For example, especially in the second paragraph, it would help to have a link to the CDC report. Also, are there other pages on wikipedia you might link to? (our class has groups working on related articles you might want to link to, for example) Good Maternal health practices S'n: I second some of what Alicia recommends above. The second sentence should read more as though you're clearly relaying what someone else has said; not saying it for the first time on your own. (e.g. "as the WHO says..." and in the subsequent sentence, "these are said to help"... This applies to many other sentences in here. Happy to help with revision, let me know. I love that you linked to pre-eclampsia and PPD --great. I do wonder if you could diversify the sources a bit -- most come from WHO at the moment. Do you want this to be just WHO mainly, or should we include other sources? (I know you have one for PPD) -- let me know what you think. Religion section: I second some of what Ashianna recommends above. Third sentence, similar idea -- "the study states that/argues that..." should lead this sentence. Also, in general, I wonder if more sources can be found per paragraph to make this more watertight with sources that corroborate one another. I have some reservations about a closing paragraph being a critique of Zimbabwean practices simply because it ends with a critique of a third world nation and we want to avoid hinting at western saviorism... though i doubt that's what you were getting at with that. I'm just reading with a critical eye. let me know if you'd like to discuss this feedback! --T. Danylevich (talk) 19:28, 15 April 2020 (UTC)