User talk:Sdiliberti/sandbox

Overall Thoughts
In general, I like the way you’ve formatted the article. I think the different sections make sense for the topic and are organized in a way that makes sense. Like you say in the note, I definitely think you have to include more information, especially in the background and government agency sections. Overall, I would suggest having the background section include events that sparked the formation of the government agencies. Then you could describe the roles of these agencies in detail.

Intro Section
I actually like what you’ve written in this part, though I would agree that adding one or two more sentence would tie it together well.

Background Section
In the 1900 – 2000 section, I think your writing is good and really matches Wikipedia articles. The only thing I would say is that is a very broad time period. I don’t know if there is enough information to include in this section, but I would definitely try to break up the section (maybe into fifty year sections instead). This way you could go into more detail for the various acts/events, without it being too overwhelming.

Government Agencies Section
What you have so far is a good intro for this section. I would consider creating smaller subsections for each agency. For each, I would then see if you could include information on what they do, then maybe give an example of an event that each has been involved with.

Laws and Recent Incidents Sections
You put a lot of work into these sections and it shows. There are a lot of great examples in these sections. The only thing I would suggest would be to change the name of the Recent Incidents section – maybe Recent Foodbourne Illness Outbreaks?

Relating Back to My Own
As I said before, I really like what you have in the introduction so far. I liked the style you employed and am going to compare to my own to try to emulate Wikipedia to a greater degree.

Introduction
You did a good job writing the information in a neutral tone. Adding to this part will be helpful for the overall article.

Background/Overview
I think the information you have in the background section does provide a good overview and once you add more to it, it will be more thorough. I think it is still relevant to have the present day information section so I would not delete that.

Government Agencies
I liked how you introduced the different agencies and provided some background information. Are you planning on auditing sub sections on the two state governmental organizations or not? You mentioned that you would add more paragraphs regarding the regulations that the government organizations do which would be helpful because it would be nice to have a general sense of what each organization does without having to open a separate Wikipedia article about it.

Legislation
Visually, I liked the way you structured this section because it shows the range of laws throughout each time period. It might be nice to mention a short description of the purpose of the most important laws. It also might be helpful to mention which laws had the biggest impact on Food Safety.

Recent Outbreaks
I like how concise and clear each of the outbreaks were because it was very direct and to the point. The outbreaks were great examples of how important Food Safety is. Once again, I think adding to the list will help make the section more thorough.

Overall Thoughts
I think the article as a whole is very good so far and once more information is added, it will be very informative. I think you might have to take into consideration what sections you think are more crucial to the article as a whole. Once you do that, you can also understand where you have to add more information. I like the structure of your article and I found it easy to visually understand the article before reading it. I want my article to have a similar structure and layout.

Contested deletion
This page is not unambiguously promotional, because... I am a fan just trying to support an artist that I recently found out about. Please let me know what I can do to fix the problem. I was going to bring it to mainspace so others could help me edit the article. Thank you for your help! Best, Serena — Preceding unsigned comment added by Sdiliberti (talk • contribs) 04:53, 8 July 2020 (UTC)