User talk:Sh1539/Genetic discrimination

- In the “gender discrimination during COVID 19” section, the second to last paragraph jumps topics without having in between sentences that will tie it all together. I think a solution to this, would be to add more to that paragraph to tie together the correlation to vaccination, testing and genetic discrimination. - In the “direct to consumer genetic testing” section, I would suggest swapping the second and third paragraphs. The second paragraph seems to have a more conclusive tone that I think would work better to end the section.

Overall, everything was well written and clear. Some part could be a little more concise but the organization of everything was very good and relevant to the topic at hand. --Mpf53 (talk) 22:18, 10 April 2021 (UTC)

--Peer review completed! — Preceding unsigned comment added by ReedNatalie (talk • contribs) 00:00, 12 April 2021 (UTC)

Feedback from PROF here: --Liliput000 (talk) 20:28, 21 April 2021 (UTC)
 * It's hard to parse what you updated on the lead; maybe bold your added parts? I do think it may be useful to add disabled ppl to those impacted by the holocaust... also, i wonder if a "see also" to ableism and racism may be appropriate somewhere on the page?
 * COVID section - drop the transition words and phrases that start your paragraphs if you can... it can set off a flag that this is non encyclopedic but argumentative...; your second paragraph would do better in a higher-level section applying to legal status/US/protections or sthg like this; also do you cite yourself?? This is interesting territory... can someone else add that citation? otherwise it may get flagged. let's definitely discuss... Otherwise main edit in this s'n is tone...
 * DTC s'n -- this one should have a "see also" at the top of the subsection bc I'm assuming there's a DTC wiki page? is there?; make sure your periods at the end of a sentence precede the citation.; last para "wary" instead of "weary"; your last sentence: can you add an "according to X" so it doesn't read as opinion, tone-wise?; overall I wonder if the first few parts of your contribution are appropriate for the page -- do they deal enough with discrimination or do they belong in a more general page about DTC? or, give yourself subheadings "background" "controversy"...
 * Race s'n -- have you looked up Alondra Nelson's other book on DNA? I haven't read it but it may be useful here. This section would benefit from subheadings, even if the content is brief bc it's bit confusing and choppy as it is right now. I think there's SO much complexity here so it will be good to break into components. it'll also help to make sense of what's there.