User talk:Shahzia Perveen/sandbox

[Hello Shahzia Perveen, I like your article so far, here is what I have to say.

Do you see gaps that remain? The information presented is good, but I see a heavy focus on transgender people. Maybe you could add a little more information on LGB people as well.

I also see more of a heavier focus on Pakistan, maybe you could add a little more about other countries.

Do you think they could make one or more points clearer?

I think what you have is good. My only other comment would be omitting the term 'transgenders' as the word is an adjective, and should be used as 'transgender people'. ] ryanccraw

Hi Shahzia. Content wise I enjoyed the topic of your article and believe you bring up some good points so far to add to the page, edit wise I would just say that there seems to be a very heavy focus on those who identify as transgender, and adding some additional info on members of the LGBTQ+ commuity would make this article even stronger. I particularly liked that you included the fact that "one transgender women become a new anchor and two other transgenders got hired at supreme Court", and feel if you have any other victories like this to add into the article it could be insightful as well. As previously mentioned by Ryan, I do feel it's important to note that using "those who identify as transgender" or "transgender indivudals" rather than transgenders can strenghten your points significantly. Finally, I feel you that you have a lot of really good thoughts and research from this topic, but a lot of your sentences can be strengthened with more elaboration and context, particularly the "Transgenders were isolated from the society and were not given any rights. They got discriminated in healthcare services." context and more description can help these flow much better, and provide the reader with more understanding. Overally this content is very informative and I thoroughly enjoyed your thoughts on it, it just needs some refining. Consdiering the magnitude of the topic at hand I think you're doing a good job in tackling this so far. Hopefully this helps! Mxrlena (talk) 05:23, 14 November 2019 (UTC)