User talk:Shannonnancysw/sandbox

ROUGH DRAFT COMMENTS:

Looking at the King Penguin article, I can see that there is no section regarding the effects of climate change. With the information you have I believe you will be able to address the net effect of climate change on these Penguins while also addressing the shortcomings of the article as a whole. Overall, I like some of the proposed areas of discussion including:

-Depleted ozone layers brought on by increased carbon dioxide, monoxide, and nitrogen gas emissions.

-Greater distances needed to travel as a result of warming waters and subsequent changes in habitat.

-Discussing how this will effect the ability of these penguins to breed and as a result cause a reduction in population size.

-I suggest if possible, to invoke terms such as population density when explaining that their population is decreasing.

- I like that you explained how King Penguins are an indicator species and are important for controlling the population of other organism within their environment such as fish, squid, and krill.

Overall, you have a substantial amount of content from which you can draw from to address article shortcomings while discussing the effect of climate change on King Penguins. Two Thumbs Up.

Kshea692 (talk) 05:26, 18 March 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review: Hunter Peoples
Hi Nathan- I think this is very interesting information and I enjoy reading what you are talking about. I can see that there are serval subtopics that you can expand on. One of thing you can expand on is the effect of climate change in the Antarctic region and how that has affected the King Penguins. You can possibly expand on the history of the King Penguin and what changes it has to make to its lifestyle because of climate change. Do your best to tie the information on climate change to specifically the King Penguins. I also believe you should expand on the King Penguins’ diet. You seem to sometimes jump from one fact to the other without expanding on the fact, such as with the migration of them and how they get food.

I noticed some problems with your citations as well. Instead of putting the URLs in the paragraph, create a separate section for your citations possibly titled “External Sources”. Do the same thing with the different subtopics you have throughout your article. This will improve the flow of the article and make it more organized and readable.

Overall, I think the information that you have is very interesting. If the subtopics are expanded upon and the article is organized and readable, it will be a really good article.

Hpeoples98 (talk) 20:45, 27 March 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review
This is a very good topic! I like how many topics discussed in class your reference. In regards to subject representation, your last two paragraphs are rather short I would recommend finding additional information to add to them because those last two paragraphs deal with really good subjects. Especially, the last paragraph on the king penguins role in the food chain. I must give you props for remaining neutral with this topic, this topic is very easy to represent in a biased manner. No statement goes without a citation and each citation is from a different article which is great; however, each source is from a website. I would suggest potentially looking for more scholarly sources such as text books or journal articles.

Overall, this is a really great draft. My review is rather short because I can not think of too much to critique. Just keep going with it, this subjects yields a lot of interesting information. I really look forward to seeing your finished product.

- Nathan MarketBoiCYM (talk) 05:41, 27 March 2019 (UTC)

Peer Review Response
Shannon,

Thank you so much for all of your feedback!

In relation to the lead, I am adding my information into an already existing article so I will not need a lead. I will keep in mind to avoid words like “although” and “however”, that is a very helpful suggestion.

I am glad the structure works well; I was concerned it the topic of homelessness would be relevant to the topic overall and I am relieved that it makes sense within the article.

I am a bit apprehensive about the neutrality of my content as well. I am going to make sure to revise the article multiple times to make it as unbiased as possible.

I really appreciate the feedback about using a passive voice. I think as a draft, I am naturally inclined to write that way but will definitely keep that in mind when creating my final draft.

Thank you for all your helpful advice!

Marta.tkachuk (talk) 00:13, 28 March 2019 (UTC) marta tkachuk