User talk:Shirley.Chen.27/sandbox

Article critiqued: Chlorosome

The lead section isn’t organized well as it compares chlorosomes to other antenna complexes before explaining chlorosomes’ functions and importance. Furthermore, it should mention chlorosomes as an alternative energy source because that’s an entire section by itself. The details on structure in the lead belong under “Structure,” which needs citations, and the unnamed statement should be edited so that it’s clear who thought of the mechanism of chlorosome attachment. Expanding on the purpose of the different proteins attached to the monolayer would make this section more robust. Instead of drawing from a compilation of multiple sources, the “Organization…” section is a summary of one study and therefore not well-supported. It’s also unclear if the last phrase is the study’s conclusion or the writer’s own opinion (which shouldn’t be included). Under “An alternative energy source,” the word “simple” is too subjective. This section lacks citations that would make it more credible and objective. There is research relating chlorosomes and artificial energy sources (e.g. article), which should be referenced. The references are from peer-reviewed journals; however, the first link does not lead to the article but the database in which it could be found. The link associated with galactolipids (under “Structure”) is not the most relevant one as it does not directly describe galactolipids; instead, this article is more specific. Additionally, images relating to the structure of chlorosomes and organization of pigments, such as the one provided by editor Elatrin in the “talk” page, would supplement the article nicely. Shirley.Chen.27 (talk) 04:10, 17 September 2017 (UTC)

Optional reflection I learned about what constitutes a great article by examining featured articles and comparing them to this one. Shirley.Chen.27 (talk) 04:32, 17 September 2017 (UTC)

Assignment #2 Article Evaluated: Purple sulfur bacteria

This article is of high notability because purple sulfur bacteria (PSB) is an important component of nature and is useful in human-developed processes. PSB contributes to the global sulfur cycle through oxidization of sulfides to elemental sulfur, which can be further oxidized to sulfate and used by plants, the primary producers of the world. In addition, PSB also affects the carbon cycle, producing a CO2 source in intertidal mats, where they also stabilize sandy sediments and decrease sediment erosion. In wastewater stabilization ponds created by humans to treat wastewater, PSB growth is not only an indicator of over-availability of organic materials and an anaerobic environment, but also affects the efficiency of other organisms used for treatment.

This article is quite short, with a relatively long lead section that encompasses various topics that can be further discussed in subsections. For example, meromictic lakes were mentioned as the preferred environment for PSB development; it would improve the article to include specific locations of PSB proliferation and discuss PSB’s role and interactions within these areas (e.g. "Isolation and characterization of aggregate-forming sulfate-reducing and purple sulfur bacteria from the chemocline of meromictic Lake Cadagno, Switzerland", "Purple Sulfur Bacteria Control the Growth of Aerobic Heterotrophic Bacterioplankton in a Meromictic Salt Lake" ).

Additional subsections that would further improve this article include PSB’s significant effects on the global sulfur and carbon cycles and wastewater stabilization ponds. Their role in intertidal mats, briefly mentioned in the lead, can be expanded in another subsection to include what was mentioned above, and more (e.g. "Proliferation of Purple Sulphur Bacteria at the Sediment Surface Affects Intertidal Mat Diversity and Functionality" ). "Biomarker evidence for green and purple sulphur bacteria in a stratified Palaeoproterozoic sea" can be used as another reference for the subsection titled “Biomarkers of the Purple Sulfur Bacteria” and provide more information on the role of PSB in the Paleoproterozoic ocean.

In general, many more references are needed to increase the credibility of the article. Furthermore, figures and diagrams would greatly improve this article’s understandability. For example, figures of the different internal membranes that produce internal or external sulfur granules, diagrams of meromictic lakes, and intertidal mats with PSB. Shirley.Chen.27 (talk) 05:44, 27 September 2017 (UTC)

Kelly's Peer Review
Positive feedback:

Edits in paragraph one were done well by rephrasing the last two sentences into one clear and concise statement which conveyed the idea much more effectively than the original. The link to global sulphur cycle also tied the information in the paragraph to a grander scheme and showed the significance of purple sulphur bacteria.

The definition of meromictic was removed from paragraph four and expanded in another section. In turn, this reduced the amount of information presented in the lead but still introduced the upcoming section effectively.

The new addition of “Growth in meromictic lakes” is appropriately placed to further expand the topic that was briefly mentioned in the lead. The explanation of meromictic followed by a relevant example of its importance is an effective structure with simple yet informative content allowing readers to follow easily.

The citied sources are easy to find, support the topic and reputable.

Improvements:

Last sentence from paragraph four written by the original writer is a confusing run-on sentence that should be fixed. It could be divided into two sentences and shortened.

“Growth in meromictic lakes” contains overly detailed information on meromictic lakes itself that can easily be found through the linked Wikipedia article. The first sentence is sufficient and information on monimolimnion and mixolimnion seems redundant. Mixolimnion only appeared once later on so even if it's replaced or linked it shouldn't take away from the understanding; the focus should shift to PSB more. The last sentence in the first paragraph is also repetitive of the lead.

Sentence structures could use some variability to make the article more interesting. For example, “in this way” was used as a concluding sentence twice, and most other sentences adopts a compound structure. Try using more complex or compound complex sentences to keep the interest of the audience. Kelly Fu (talk) 19:54, 8 November 2017 (UTC)

Thank you!
Thanks Kelly, for the helpful feedback! Shirley.Chen.27 (talk) 02:25, 19 November 2017 (UTC)