User talk:Shulydiasun/sandbox

Peer Review - Internet Water Army
Overall, your start to the article is good. Your introduction has some relevant pieces of information and is easy to understand. What you have written maintains neutrality and aims to show how different groups use this form of censorship. Your ideas for additions so far are useful.

These are some specific suggestions I would make in order of what you've written:

I'm guessing that the "Introduction" section would be part of the lead of the article, as there is not usually a formal "Introduction" heading on Wikipedia articles. I think it would be a good idea to decide which sentences you may want to add to the existing lead and which ones are better to add to the other parts of the article, as the existing lead is already quite substantial and you want to keep it from being redundant. The first two sentences, for example, are already covered in the existing lead. However, the third sentence on revenue could be a good addition. The rest of the detail could fit better in another subsection.

For the "Techniques" section I think you are definitely presenting new, relevant information. However, you might want to make it clearer how this fits in with the rest of the article, which discusses "Tactics" and "Detection". Changing the name from something as broad as "Techniques" might help

I think the addition of the "Profits" section is interesting because it is showing that this process of information control has economic gains. You could definitely try to find more information and expand on the economic motivations as this is something not fully explored in the original article. There is one issue in the section when you refer to "Xie" but do not state who this is.

These are some general changes:

In terms of overall structure, your additions make sense. However, I think you could work a bit more on organizing the "Techniques" section to make it clearer what facts you are trying to present. Additionally the article has some small grammar mistakes throughout For example, "public forums such as such as Baidu Post and Tianya has released statement" should be "have released statements".

Another point is on sources. I believe Wikipedia's instructions on citing sources ask that foreign language citations be translated to English in the works cited section.

I think the most important thing you could do is ensure that your additions are offering something new to the article to prevent redundancies. Some of your sections do this well, so expand on those and remove anything that may be repetitive.

Erujhaider (talk) 23:04, 13 November 2018 (UTC)