User talk:Siarra360/sandbox

=Amsterdam Evaluations=

06/11/2019 Evaluation by Sograves

 * Points: 33.5/40
 * Grade: 83.75

Spelling/Grammar
Does not meet standard. I’d substitute “their” for “its” or “Amsterdam’s.” It reads better to just refer to the city as a single entity, a singular collective noun. Also, at the start of your final paragraph, did you mean to write “city council”? Or are there multiple city councils in Amsterdam deciding on this?

Language
Does not meet standard. The use of “you” is a bit too familiar for the cold, disconnected tone of an encyclopedia. Similarly, you describe something as “the best” in the 3rd paragraph and describe what the “most noteworthy” parts of Amsterdam’s nautical history are—such qualitative judgements shouldn’t be in encyclopedias. Perhaps: “Analytically exploring how planners develop systems is one way to overcome current challenges,” and “Amsterdam’s nautical history has periods of demolition, reconstruction, and transition.”

Organization
Nearly meets standard. I’d format your “title” sequence properly. Like, set “Amsterdam, Netherlands” as a page title, “Economy” as the header, and “Urban Waterscapes” as a subheader. Otherwise, your ideas flow logically from one to the next, but some transitional sentences would help tie it together.

Coding
Meets standard.

Validity
Meets standard.

Completion
Meets standard. All requirements accounted for.

Relevance
Meets standard. All your information is cited, your sources are valid, and you paragraphs are organized in an easy, readable way!

06/11/2019 Evaluation by Swiftkick98

 * Points: 29.5/40
 * Grade: 73.75

Spelling/Grammar
 Nearly meets standard Your spelling and grammar looks good, however I would try to limit your repetitive use of "their waterscapes" in your beginning sentences. Whatsmore, I would shy away from using pronouns in your paragraphs, such as saying 'their waterways' --Amsterdam is a city, you can just say 'its.' Similarly, in your paragraph about polders, you say 'you need...' and I would try to avoid addressing the reader directly.

Language
Does not meet standard I think overall, your tone sounds like an informed encyclopedia, however I would try to vary vocabulary, sentence structure, and sentence length. As I said above, avoid using addressive (is that a word? haha) pronouns in your paragraphs. ALSO, those are not windmills, they are wind turbines! I would urge you to change all of those uses in your paragraphs to wind turbine.

Organization
Does not meets standard. Your paragraphs have a good flow, however I would try to incorporate a transition from the end of your polder paragraph into your 'windmill' paragraph. I really like your closing paragraph, it ties the whole section together.

Coding
Meets standard Everything looks formatted well to me, but I'm no expert! All your sources are cited directly after the period, something Dr. Wright commented on mine before, so nice job!

Validity
Meets standard. Your sources and information seem to be valid, I appreciate that some of them are in Dutch! I also think it is good that you included the Miriam Webster dictionary as one of your sources, nice touch!

Completion
Meets standard. You have well formed paragraphs that are totally an appropriate length, good job! Also, you have the correct number of sources, 20! Congrats on fulfilling that requirement!

Relevance
Meets Standard All your information is cited, your sources are valid, and you paragraphs are organized in an easy, readable way!

6/15/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright
DrMichaelWright (talk) 17:06, 15 June 2019 (UTC)

I think you have a lot here that you could put to good use. See below for recommendations.
 * Points: 38.5/40
 * Grade: 96.25%

Spelling/Grammar
Meets standard.

Language
Meets standard.
 * "As always, the waterscapes in Amsterdam are ever-changing and transitioning toward advancement and bringing on a wind of change for the people of Holland." Remember that an encyclopedia entry is not trying to convince the reader of anything, not even an overarching theme. There should, therefore, not be such concluding remarks like this one.
 * You frequently use the term 'wind turbine', where, of old, the Dutch have used the term 'Windmill'. I guess the difference is if the thing in question first generates electricity (wind turbine) or uses the kinetic energy in some other way (windmill).

Organization
Meets standard. I think much of your material might be put to better use in different parts of the Amsterdam article. For example, there already is a section on water under geography.

Coding
Meets standard.

Validity
Meets standard.

Completion
Meets standard.
 * You have a great amount of material here. Possibly too much for the Amsterdam proper article, or at least not all in one place the way you have it formatted currently.

Relevance
Meets standard.
 * The windfarms seem tangentially related, since they are going to be 'offshore'. Are they projected to even really be in the close vicinity of the city?

05/16/2019 Evaluation by sograves

 * Points: 34.5/40
 * Grade: 86.3%

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly meets standard Grammatically sound, but there are a few hiccups. For example, you misplaced a comma in “2,00,000.” Also, “Most of these languages have Italian influence, but are not limited to French influences as well” doesn’t make much sense. Perhaps you meant that they’re not limited to Italian influence and have French influence as well?

Language
Does not meet standard Nailing the distant encyclopedic diction, but the seems off—some light rewording and you should be good. In the first sentence, for example, you can remove the “Italy” from “Milan, Italy.” Article readers are gonna know where MIlan is. As Taylor suggested, merging some of your sentences together to vary sentence length will help with tone.

Organization
Nearly meets standard Second paragraph reads almost as a general demographics paragraph. Bump the last part to the front and end with demographics maybe?

Coding
Meets standard

Validity
Nearly meets standard A lot of good info, but the “Milanese is considered the most prestigious of the 12-15 non-recognized regional languages” part rubbed me the wrong way. Who considers it so prestigious?

Completion
Meets standard.

Relevance
Meets standard

05/15/2019 Evaluation by Swiftkick98

 * Points: 33.5/40
 * Grade: 83.75

Spelling/Grammar
 Nearly meets standard All of your spelling and grammar looks good, however I would try to vary sentence length when you can. Also, I think you mistyped one of your statistics because it says "Milanese regional language is spoken by the 2,00,000 residents..."

Language
Does not meet standard Your tone is fairly good encyclopedia tone, but like I said above, the sentences read a little choppy and I would try re-working some where you can to get varied lengths. The last few sentences of paragraph one for example. Additionally, I was confused with the sentence "Most of these languages have Italian influence, but are not limited to French influences as well." Maybe try re-wording that so it makes a little more sense.

Organization
Does not meets standard. Your paragraphs have a flow to them, however I was confused as to why I got all the background information on Italy's residences, economics and immigration until you tied it in with the immigrants bringing different language points. Maybe consider pairing that beginning section down, but that might be tricky trying to keep all your sources.

Coding
Meets standard Everything looks formatted well to me

Validity
Does not meet standard. Your sources and information seem to be valid, but I did see that it gave me (I'm not sure what you see on your end) a red 'URL missing' message for your source #9 "8 Italian accents" from Youtube. I also worry about the reliability of that source; just something to think about!

Completion
Meets standard. You have two well formed paragraphs that seem an appropriate length, good job! Also, you have the correct number of sources, I would just double check that they are put in correctly and that they qualify as a quality source for this assignment (the video might not).

Relevance
Meets Standard Everything is concise and represented in an easy, readable way!

4/23/2019 Evaluation by Sograves
Spelling/Grammar:

Nearly meets standard. Ending each bullet point with a semicolon looks weird. I'm not sure it's technically wrong, but it looks sure looks better to end it with a period! Also, the second bullet point could use some rewording.

Language:

Meets standard. The second bullet point is really the only thing holding this back. A retooling would make it great!

Organization:

Meets standard.

Coding:

Perfect, exceeds standard (as far as I can tell).

Validity:

Exceeds standard. Lots of good, solid info!

Completion:

Meets standard. The original section talks about airports, and you expand upon that. Some of the other questions you had about air travel might be worth diving deeper into. Like, how many people travel by air in Brussels in general? Or something like that, your edits are solid as is!

Relevance:

Meets standard.

Sources:

Exceeds standard. Good, solid sources, and lots of them to boot (and also rick steves!!)!

Citations:

Does not meet standard. Citations always go at the end of a sentence, even if it's a compound sentence. It looks weird, but it's perfectly correct to have two citations right next to each other if you're citing multiple sources in a single sentence.

References:

Meets standard. Pretty sure it's all solid.

38.5/40 by my evaluation. 96%!

4/24/2019 Evaluation by Swiftkick98

 * Points: 39/40
 * Grade: 97.5% !!

Spelling/Grammar
 Nearly Meets Expectations I agree with Soren that the semicolons look a bit out of place, I think ending your bulleted points with just nothing would look fine, or a period.

Language
Meets Expectations

Organization
Meets standard. I think you made the right decision organizing your information into bullets, well done.

Coding
Perfect Everything looks good to me!

Validity
Meets standard. Your sources and information seem to be valid.

Completion
Meets standard. Your information and details about the airports for Brussels adds a lot more than what was already there.

Relevance
Meets Expectations Everything is concise and represented in an easy, readable way!

5/3/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright
DrMichaelWright (talk) 03:28, 4 May 2019 (UTC)


 * Points: 35/40
 * Grade: 87.5%

Spelling/Grammar
Meets standard

Language
Meets standard The word "hardly", is a little too familiar.

Organization
Meet standard.

Coding
Meet standard.

Validity
Meets standard.

Completion
Does not meet standard. There is very little added flesh on these bones.

Relevance
Meets standard.