User talk:Smilaz

Smilaz (talk) 23:10, 28 August 2011 (UTC); Why can I hear in the tones and vibes of her laughing voice, that she want's me to come see her danish comedy film with her? Ok I do know why that is, but When I feel tired of her!?, after a few days of spending all of 'me'/go out of my way, coming here TO BE here for her. To tollerate the negative life of an alcoholic. I have a very big accident thretening my own well-being, which effects health, which affects life heavily (I know because all my life I've had friends in all different stages of age, so I understand where we are in aging very well). And I came FROM IBIZA campo life with my SexyLOVE in cool and cozy world! to see her after years appart because she was living sex drugs and rocken~loose all of me in everything (which is so clearly, loosing everything!) Living like a "nomad" on falling in this whole betrayal of what too many people in this world still think is LOVE, and constant "partying" in some other mediteranian country, while still being a materialist of course (like we all are, even when we're trying not to be) and being the same old childish egoist who behaves like other peoples things >equals!> issues, =feelings, don't exist for her, she "can't" feel that, only because she just does not, which equals my world does not matter to her at all. But the thing is that I've always been taking care of myself, and striven to live up to my feelings of, what a child from the most all-round-possitive funny and harmonious family would be like -sort of idea (of course all made up of the inspiring examples both perfectly/entirely Harmonious/ of LOVE, and almost perfectly/entirely Harmonious/ of love). But she's still the same old immature me me me. Oh it makes me feel so sad. It's the same as if she was in a wheelchair?! -she can't run with me, hell she litterally won't even go for a walk together. But if she needs something for which she has to walk she'll even do it alone!? Sweet old Sis' Ann-Carina. Well but actually now the word 'old' starts to be entering a different though still negative stages. She is litterally the ADULT VERSION of the little child in the supermarket who ends up sitting and screaming on the floor because mommy didn't want to buy whatever toy. I can tollerate the healing process, I have the power to hold her up to walk the way of clearing and all the healing stuff, incl. on the deeper level of self-forgiveness, and letting go, lessons learned, next pages to be written in own book/film (of her life in this case here). And actually she's so lucky! Because I can even lead the way to the healthy all round healing life that she needs now (emergency style, being in her 35 when time flies), since for an alcoholic who's body already has tried heading for the path of giving up once!, my health-food world and knowledge on several levels is exactly the world (and yoga types of wiser circles of people) for her to be able to make it a pleasurable experience ~ of easier getting-affected-right, because for example if you make friends in a health-food store, they are typically into a purifying period of life, which typically turns in to 'for life', logically enough x 2 ;-)  I guess that the summ of all these feelings overwelming me here is ~ that if we have to continue being friends/somethingGoodForEachOtherInThisLife!?, then she has to start expressing/treating me like my life/existence (including and especially also in the times apart) Matters as much to her as her very own. Because that's the way I feel for my friends, that is the ways I feel deeply for her. So at 36 I'm living for different values and will not put myself in a place to be just plainly worn out for nothing (because she doesn't even want to listen to what wisdom I've learned on my own alone without any mama and papa always there catering), she always made me feel the same as being used by a very cruel ego-tripper. But now!?, ... when I have to build up my own life anew also!?, which I want to and Do keep doing with a possitive attitude/energies. And since I'm still Earthly as well as Spiritually Alive in this cold zombie-reminding world, I also Have to Get LOVELY REMINDERS trough the FEW friends that I see on occasion in this existence. And I'm coming from another Country, so we'll have to both be doing the traveling). I made it here for some 10 days for now, while she has her lovely mother willing to visit every day and doing everything for her. AND the govenment gives her housing-money and good living-money. And I'm the one who has no income (although in fact I'm working most of the time). Smilaz (talk) 23:10, 28 August 2011 (UTC)