User talk:Soccersoccer1515/The Bail Project/Soccersoccer1515 Peer Review

Peer Review by Soccersoccer1515
The introduction did a great job of staying concise and explaining the origin and an overview of the purpose of the organization. As well, the history was well written to explain the reasoning behind the formation of the organization and the motivating factors that lead to the formation of the non-profit. The two stores included in this section were good examples to show the severity of the issue that this organization is looking mend. The accomplishment section is well organized and factual to show the progress the organization has made since it started. The criticism section did a good job of remaining neutral and provided different perspectives on the organization.

I think there are two main areas that could use improvement in this Wikipedia article. In the section on 'Goal to End Cash Bail', the topic sentence in the second paragraph could be changed to sound less vague or be worded in a better way. I also think the authors could go a bit more in depth on the trends that have been seen within different minority groups. I also think in the last section 'criticism', there could be more information included on these past instances or other reactions from outside the organization. This paragraph is great to maintain neutrality in the article, but could be elaborated on more.

The most important thing the authors can do to improve the article is to elaborate further in sections that are essential to the organization. Specifically the 'Goal to End Cash Bail' could be expanded upon for readers to understand the depth of the social issue and the different ways that The Bail Project works to challenge the bail system. One thing from this article that could be applicable to mine is the use of a 'criticism' section to ensure there is neutrality in covering all aspects related to the non-profit organization.

Changes I made:

'History' section, paragraph 1

original sentence: Some of the employees who work for the Bail Project had

changed it to: The Bail Project employs some who have

'Goal to End Cash Bail' section, paragraph 2

original sentence: The issue with cash bail is that it is considerably discriminatory towards the minority

changed it to: The cash bail system is flawed in the sense that it is considerably discriminatory towards the minority.

Soccersoccer1515 (talk) 19:29, 11 November 2020 (UTC)