User talk:Something Edible

"Boredom is like a pitiless zooming in on the epidermis of time. Every instant is dilated and magnified like the pores of the face." - Jean Baudrillard

Mr. K hated himself for he was a hateful man. Make no mistake, being a hateful man is tough and time consuming, and is not very rewarding. Regardless, Mr. K was hateful. He hated himself, his family, his job, his friends, and everything and everyone. He hated having to keep five alarm clocks around because one wasn't enough. He hated meeting people and not remembering who they were. He hated the routine, and he despised all patterns. Yet hating something and wanting to change it aren't as related as we'd all like to think. Or maybe wanting to change something and actually changing it was the real problem. You see, Mr. K was a lazy man, and like all lazy men, he would rather procrastinate and do things as late as he could get away with.

Mr. K had a job as a data typist. Well, the official title of the job was data input, so I guess he should be called a data inputtest? That's details, and details don't matter unless you're a politician. So back to Mr. K, whose job was basically taking these paper receipts and typing their details into a computer database. The reason they wouldn't use a fully automated system where salespersons would also act as data typist is due to a 'historical incident'. You don't need to know why, anyway, life is always better with some mysteries of its own.

It's Wednesday, May 23rd, a big day for Mr. K. Today he's 45 years old. His wife gave him a present on her way out to work today, but he didn't open it yet. In fact, he doesn't plan on doing that at all. It's probably another new tie, something you'd expect a stranger to give you because they don't know what you'd like, not your own wife. But let's face it; Mrs. K has been pretty much a stranger for the last ten years. Life has a weird way of consuming you until you're a soulless puppet. Mr. K is now an accountant, but he's not going to work today. It's not like him, but today he has simply decided that he doesn't feel like going to work. He didn't even call to let them know, and for someone as boring as Mr. K, that's as spontaneous as you get.

Mr. K just stayed in bed, being hateful and lazy, but also thinking. About what, you ask? Well, about everything and nothing. Like when your thoughts change so often from one moment to the next, and by the time you try to take a top down view of your chain of thoughts, it's simply not there anymore. So we have the fat old Mr. K in bed, being hateful and lazy, trying to figure out the ultimate meaning of life on a beautiful Wednesday. That goes on for hours, until Mr. K figures it all out. He now understands how big of a tool he was. He now knows that his life is pointless. He is not sad however; normal people would've been sad, but not hateful lazy people. You see, being both hateful and lazy is a weird combination, because no matter how much you loathe things, you just do nothing about it.

A scruffy old bum is lying head down on the cold concrete floor. He smells of Chinese noodles and cheap apple juice. That dirty man is Mr. K, still as hateful and as lazy as ever. He's not boring anymore, though. He has figured out the ultimate meaning of life, and is now trying to become human.

The first step in becoming human is to reject that which is material. If you have nothing to lose, you have the entire world for the taking. That’s not just some oriental mumbo jumbo, it’s a proven universal fact that more worldly possessions just give you more to be stressful about. By universal I mean it is what Mr. K believes, and Mr. K is the center of the universe.

The second step is to lose all pattern, for pattern is bad, unless you're a computer. Life must always bring you surprises, and once it stops doing that, you know you're going the wrong way. Yet people often are on the wrong way, mainly because they model their lives after what they see on TV. Without needing to get a PhD in Sociology, Mr. K realized that the media lies, and chaos is the true answer to all social problems.

The third step is to do what you like, and become what you've always wanted to be. Yes, I'm talking about those childhood dreams of becoming an astronaut or a paleontologist (probably the most complex word I knew as a kid). For someone lazy like Mr. K, his only ambition was to do nothing at all. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, until you believe that society needs you to function. Truth is, there will always be more tools than humans in the world, so you could count on others doing your job for you. And that's how our beloved Mr. K transformed into a bum, and we all know that a human bum is better than an accountant tool. Mr. K knew that at least, and he was happy. Let's all salute Mr. K, a human victim of capitalism and a proud tool of Marxist-Nihilist revolution.