User talk:SpiritedSeagull

Welcome!
Hello, SpiritedSeagull, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 02:00, 10 October 2020 (UTC)

Hi! I wanted to introduce myself to you as a fellow classmate in your COM 482 class! I'm Yenni and I'm a senior. A fun fact about me is that I play ultimate frisbee. Nice to virtually meet you!Yennilee (talk) 02:19, 10 October 2020 (UTC)

Welcome!
Greetings and welcome (again!) to both Wikipedia and to COM482! I think Tian Zhen is a good choice for an article. Although I know it's a stub, the article is rather advanced compared to other stubs. As a result, you might need to dig a bit deeper to make significant improvements. I see you've started that and added a little text.

Look at the talk page of the article (Talk:Tian Zhen) for related WikiProjects (like WikiProject China or WikiProject Pop music) that will have links to excellent articles on similar topics which should point you at models and examples of how to improve the article.

There's something funny going in terms of your sandboxes. You have made a sandbox at User:SpiritedSeagull/Tian Zhen which seems to be just your copy of the live article. Your text is not being made to that article but rather to User:SpiritedSeagull/sandbox. Are you going to be merging the content from the latter page into the former page? Let me know if you need help with that. You're also going to need to work on formatting your work as wikitext since it's just raw text right now.

In any case, I'm looking forward to seeing things developed. Good luck! — m a k o ๛  19:29, 19 October 2020 (UTC)

Feedback on your draft
Greetings !

I'm sorry you didn't get feedback on User:SpiritedSeagull/Tian Zhen from any of your classmates. I had a few pieces of feedback:


 * Carefully edit the draft to try and polish the English. There are a bunch of strange things (e.g., a bunch of the new text uses "he" to refer to Tian Zhen.
 * You've added a bunch of new statements/facts/etc. That's great, of course! Each of these needs a reference and most don't have them! If they are coming from a single source, you can add it for the first claim or sentence and then add a second citation to the same thing.
 * There were a series of claims in the article before you got there that probably also need to be sourced.
 * The new section on "Evaluation" doesn't seem to be written from a WP:NPOV. Check out that and the policy on WP:ADVERT because that new section feels more like something I would expect to read on the subjects website. These sections are typically marked something like "Critical reception." Why don't you look at a Good or Featured article from WikiProject Pop music to get a sense of what you might want to include in an article like this.

Please do a pass on your article as soon as you can and then let me know. I'll give your article another pass before I give you the final go-ahead to make your article live. — m a k o ๛  17:51, 2 November 2020 (UTC)
 * Thank you for your feedback! I made changes to my article. I am worrying about whether my resources are reliable for Wikipedia that are retrieved from foreign website. Please take a look for me.SpiritedSeagull (talk) 16:03, 3 November 2020 (UTC)


 * Two quick things first: (1) If you want me to see a message here, you should leave a message on my talk page (User talk:Benjamin Mako Hill) or just add something like so I see you left a message.
 * (2) The very short answer to your question is that foreign sources are OK in English Wikipedia articles but the longer answer is a bit more complicated. You should read WP:NONENG for more information.


 * In terms of your changes...
 * You've added a ton of new text which is great. What remains to be done is polishing and integrating that material. The intro you have written has a lot of great facts and citations but it is really still a list of dates and events. Maybe this belongs in history section? Maybe it just needs to be integrated into prose? Check out WP:LEDE with has details on how to proceed.
 * The list of events in the lede sort of blurs into the "History" section but I don't understand why some things are in "History" (itself an unusual category for a biography). See my comments below.
 * You still have many typos and stylistic issues including the "his/her" errors that I called out in my initial feedback. I've fixed a couple of these myself but there is more.
 * In my initial welcome, I suggested you look at the list of featured pop-music articles which I still think is a good idea. For example Ayumi Hamasaki looks like a great example of a non-English music star that is a featured article. Mariah Carey and Janet Jackson are featured articles for other female pop stars. Looking at these carefully will give you a sense of how you might integrate lists of facts/dates into something that feels more like prose than a list. They might suggest that a section on "Career" would make more sense than "History." And so on.
 * Why don't you take one more detailed pass and try to do clean stuff up and integrate it into something more polished and then let me know here. — m a k o ๛  23:59, 8 November 2020 (UTC)

Cohoba
I also made some contribution on User:SpiritedSeagull/Cohoba for another article "Cohoba". If you have time to check it out, could you please give me suggestion on picking which article for my final achievement? If you don't think you'd have the time, please ignore my request. Thanks.SpiritedSeagull (talk) 16:33, 3 November 2020 (UTC)


 * I've looked over your work on User:SpiritedSeagull/Cohoba. I think that text looks great and the references look solid. That material looks good to go and I don't have any trouble with you moving it over to the live version of the Cohoba article. — m a k o ๛  00:03, 9 November 2020 (UTC)


 * I'd like to talk more, perhaps on Discord, about this article before you copy it over. I have some concerns about copyright. I just want to double check because it seems like there is text in the new article that feels like it's closely paraphrased from other sources. For example, the Encyclopedia Britannica text seems to be paraphrased in the new text you've added. Please do not move this over to the live article until the two of us have a chance to talk about this in person. — m a k o ๛  00:26, 9 November 2020 (UTC)

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