User talk:Srios10/Child marriage in South Sudan

[Jio's peer review] 1. Much of the information that is provided on the page is very insightful. I particularly enjoyed the introduction to child marriage in the beginning because I feel it is important to make sure the reader has an understanding of child marriage before delving further into child marriage in South Sudan. I think one thing that should be expanded on are the consequences and current figures if possible. The consequences are interesting because it is difficult to approach this topic without being biased. I would love to read more about how you are able to present this information without bias. The figures also help put into perspective the gravity of the situation regarding child marriage in South Sudan. 2. Throughout reading the article, I've noticed little writing errors and typing errors. There is definitely room for improvement in terms of proofreading what has been written to make sure that all typos have been fixed. Under the health segment, it is written that 'They are inferior to men.' This may seem a bit biased if not clarified that this is the general consensus and what is adopted to be widely known and accepted in South Sudan. I think the health segment in general can be vastly improved if it is tied back and anchored to the idea of child marriage. The information is very useful and insightful, but I think it would be even more impactful if related back to the topic of child marriage. 3. I think the most important thing to do for this article is to give it a thorough proofread to ensure that all sentences are coherent and that there are no spelling errors. The information itself is very good. 4. The structure of the article is coherent and it is easy to follow. I particularly like that there are multiple segments for each topic. 5. As a reader, I would like to know more about health and how it ties in to child marriage in South Sudan. I am a bit unsure of what 'strenuous' might mean in the context of circumstances where women are taken to the hospital, so perhaps you could expand on that!

Jilee99 (talk) 23:22, 31 March 2022 (UTC) Jio

Sam's Peer Review
I saw that you're fixing most of the sections for the article which I think is a great idea. The Health and Consequences sections discuss similar issues and I think the subheadings can be rearranged/clarified. In terms of what you edited in the Consequences section, I think you added good information about how child marriage can end a girl's education. Since you mentioned South Sudanese independence and how it has empowered girls, I would add more information about this. More feedback on the article in general, I would edit the definition of child marriage in the introduction. The first sentence of the section is "Child marriage is when children are forced to enter into a marriage bond." The section then ends with "Child marriage usually pertains to the bond between a child and an adult." UNICEF defines child marriage as "Child marriage refers to any formal marriage or informal union between a child under the age of 18 and an adult or another child." I would also edit the second paragraph of the introduction because it doesn't flow very well. It also brings up the idea of child marriage effecting boys but then it says it is related to girls in South Sudan. I think if you discuss child marriage effecting boys in the country you can keep it, otherwise I would scrap this paragraph. Lastly, you mention customary law in South Sudan and I think you can expand on this and discuss if there has been any conflict regarding child marriage and customary law and South Sudan's legal system. Good luck! Sywarren (talk) 04:49, 4 April 2022 (UTC) Sywarren