User talk:Ssanchezmm/Women's rugby league

I reviewed your draft and I thought that everything you entered had value to it and will make this article much stronger. In general, try to put some more detail into everything, you have a lot of space so take more time to really explain everything. For example, although it is not vital to explaining women's rugby, explain in a little more detail about 7's vs 15's because that does not make sense to most people. In the first paragraph you listed the countries that had rugby clubs available to women, I think the US needs to be added to that list. Other small details would include, putting another parenthesis after "try" in the Women's Rugby League section and fixing the spacing before and after your commas throughout the draft. In the History section of the draft you used "well known" twice and it just makes the sentence harder on the eyes, instead maybe use just "known sports" at the end. The only other adjustment that I would recommend is to cite Emily Valentine, there is a page for her on Wikipedia and I think it would be helpful for readers to know more about her as a player and influencer.Elizaswack (talk) 03:26, 7 November 2019 (UTC)

Article draft feedback
Solid additions and expansions here! I see the bulk of the work being in history in this draft, and some of the history you note here is really fascinating! I can't help wondering if there is more historical information that could still be added. Some other notes I have as you continue researching, adding, and revising are:
 * the information about how it is played that you've added to the lead section is great, and could actually be expanded, possibly even into its own section of the article. "Gameplay" or something along those lines would make sense as a section title
 * there is at least one "you" pronoun in here, which shouldn't be in an encyclopedia entry. Try using third person language instead (teams, players)
 * some bias suggested/non-encyclopedia focus in language like "The history of Women's Rugby was not one that was very well known like that of other well known sports." Don't need this kind of topic sentence structure in encyclopedia writing.
 * every time a statement of fact is made (such as "The first recorded women to play Rugby was Emily Valentine in 1184"), add the source at the end of that sentence rather than only once at the end of the paragraph.
 * good addition of USA team info. I am curious in final sentence, "By the end, the team was undefeated"...by the end of what?
 * are you considering adding an image to the article?

I think those are my biggest notes based on this draft. Let me know if you have any questions, and I look forward to seeing your final edits!Nicoleccc (talk) 18:43, 8 November 2019 (UTC)