User talk:Sshively/sandbox

Lead Section

 * You did a really good job in including the necessary information in your introductory sentence. I was able to know who she is and what she does.
 * You added a good amount of information to the summary that wasn't there before and it hits all major points.

Article
There is only one subhead and it talks about her accomplishments and her career. I would maybe like to see something about her early life and who she is and what her background is. You can maybe add information on where she grew up, information about her family etc. You may want to also add what influenced her to be the person she is today.

Lead
I like the quote you added in the lead. It gives insight into who she is. It seems kind of short though still.

Article
You did a great job of expanding on the original article. It might be helpful to split up the career and activism sections, although I know they are closely intertwined. I would suggest creating separate paragraphs like you mentioned. When speaking about her, I am not sure if you should use her actual last name or "Jones."

Lead Section
Your lead section does a great job of conveying everything that you are going to be talking about in the article and I did not see anything that you left off so you did great.

Article
I know you said you were worried about how you organized the article but I think you did a great job with the organization and making it more clear than the original article. My only critique would be that there isn't anything on her background/ life growing up so it would be nice if you included that if there are reliable sources on that.