User talk:Starshinednights/Elvia Alvarado

'''1. First, what does the article do well? Is there anything from your review that impressed you? Any turn of phrase that described the subject in a clear way?'''

The article does well at sharing intimate information about Elvia - specifically hardships and triumphs. Portrays a good dichotomy between where she came from and where she ended up.

'''2. What changes would you suggest the author apply to the article? Why would those changes be an improvement?'''

Overall, this is a solid draft, but work should be done to curate a well-informed page. Which are mostly minor tweaks!

Real good job here!

3. What's the most important thing the author could do to improve the article?

Expand on each fact.

(1) Break up long sentences - make each fact its own sentence & add a source.

(2) Add time frames, ages, and names where needed to curate a cohesive timeline.

Did you notice anything about the article you reviewed that could be applicable to your own article?

Yes! You picked out great information to create a page. Just needs details. Jennylxpez (talk) 04:50, 29 November 2023 (UTC)

Introduction
(1) Intro could be longer.

(2) Lots of info can be expanded upon and deserve their own sentences; tell me more; add details.

(3) Add approximate ages and years, creating a timeline of her life rather than an informal bio.

(4) The sentence referring the book is creative. I would avoid "best told" since they're reading this Wiki article and it diminished your hard work and amazing writing you're creating! Consider adding a “More work on Elvia” section to divide it from your work and offer readers more sources. Jennylxpez (talk) 04:52, 29 November 2023 (UTC)

Childhood
numbers should be spelled out

Could be written in a more cohesive way

Instead of "Elvia grew up with her mother being abused" consider the statement, “Elvia came from an abusive household, where her mother faced domestic violence.”

Write in present tense, even though you're covering the past.

How did the father die? What were her parents names? What’s her brothers name?

How did the brother threaten her? Who impregnated her? Jennylxpez (talk) 04:54, 29 November 2023 (UTC)

Motherhood
List the names of children & with whom Elvia procreated with

Expand on family structure and dynamic

Move statement of job to a different section? Or consider changing the name of topic overall. Perhaps, "adult life" ? Jennylxpez (talk) 04:55, 29 November 2023 (UTC)

At what age did Elvia start her activism exactly?

Consider Moving the sentence “After 15 years of living with Alberto, Elvia began working with mothers' clubs that were organized by the Catholic Church” from the previous section to this section potentially? Jennylxpez (talk) 04:55, 29 November 2023 (UTC)

Activism
How did Alberto or her kids react to her activism? Was Alberto also abusive? He sounds like he sucks.

How did it change her life and empowerment/personal life?

Consider changing activism to “activism in Honduras” or "major work" / "major recognized work" Jennylxpez (talk) 04:56, 29 November 2023 (UTC)

Omeeezy (talk) 21:09, 4 December 2023 (UTC)User "Omeeezy: has peer reviewed 11/4 at 1pm. Please see peer review