User talk:Stp20

Welcome!
Hello, Stp20, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:43, 11 January 2022 (UTC)

Peer review - Pediatric cataract
Overall, I think you did a great job here. It seems like a complete overview of the disease covering all its facets and treatments. I really like how you emphasized developing countries (e.g. India) in spots, which highlights how this disease is still a major problem in the world even though we don't see it as frequently here in the US (or the sources of it get treated immediately at birth and it never develops in the first place). Your sources look really good reading through them briefly as well.

I have some suggestions for improving the article - this might look like a long list, but they're mostly minor things:

1. I would expand the lead section a bit to include summaries of the sections of the article. I need to do this more in my own article too.

2. Consider moving the two sections under the "About" heading into the beginning of the "Disease" one. I feel like prevalence and genetics are definitely aspects of the disease itself and would flow better there than on their own.

3. I feel like there's certain sentences that seem like they're worded to sound like instructions to someone specific rather than plain factual statements. "It is imperative to do a complete physical examination...", "As discussed, routine screening...", etc. I think these phrases could be reworded and/or eliminated.

4. I would add a lot more wiki article links throughout the article.

5. See if you can cite your other sources besides #3 more, even if its just adding them alongside #3 for information where they state the same thing that #3 does. I feel like this adds strength to the statements. This is a struggle for me as well as there are definitely 1 or 2 major sources that I'm relying on.

Great job, can't wait to see the finished article! RMFMed (talk) 02:22, 31 January 2022 (UTC)