User talk:Sunshine619/sandbox

Gibeah
Sunshine!

Let me comment on: "The author of this work writes in a very descriptive manner that helps the readers reach a deeper understanding of not only the biblical narratives but also the critical context surrounding them." I agree with this sentence. However, it is your personal assessment of Trible's book ("deeper understanding"), rather than a synopsis of it. So, I don't think it belong. Well, you could say that it provide critical context, if you then follow it with examples of that context. (But it doesn't seem that your paragraph does that.)

"the brutality that women of this era faced due to the dominant persona that men were identified with" -- Well, what does "persona" mean here? Anyway, is this drawn from a particular sentence or paragraph? If so, then cite that page. If not, if it's a global synopsis, I think it'd be worthwhile if you then follow it with evidence from specific pages. But your next sentence moves on to another point.

Again, here's a good point but not elaborated by info from Trible: "Throughout the chapter, various bible verses are placed strategically with a prelude of information before and a further explanation following in order to establish an in-depth description. Furthermore, the claims made throughout are always supported with biblical evidence and the example narratives are split into "episodes" or "scenes" for simplicity and effective organization." This is a useful general description of how she writes, maybe you should open by telling the reader that you're explaining the (format?)(style?) of her chapter.

Overall concern -- your paragraph makes several general points but they don't seem connected.

Let me know if this makes sense and if you have any questions! ProfGray (talk) 19:03, 6 April 2015 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the comments! I received the notification and am working on the corrections now! User:ProfGray — Preceding unsigned comment added by Sunshine619 (talk • contribs) 19:17, 6 April 2015 (UTC)