User talk:Supersrinu

Jokes

A man is talking to God. The man: "God, how long is a million years?" God: "To me, it's about a minute." The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?" God: "To me it's a penny." The man: "God, may I have a penny?" God: "Wait a minute."

Here is a good riddle to demonstrate the battle-between-the-sexes kind of jokes. Q: Why did God create the man before he created the woman? A1: The answer that men give: To give him the chance to enjoy Heaven on Earth for a few moments. A2: The answer that women give: Everyone makes a draft first!

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?" Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?" With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school. "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.

A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation? B: Yes, of course. A: Great! I never could before!

Why couldn't Cinderella be a good soccer player? She lost her shoe, she ran away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin. (Requires basic knowledge of the Cinderella story and that both ball and coach have double meanings.)

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

Teacher: How can we get some clean water? Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

This is a good one to follow the following previously submitted joke. A: What do you call a deer with no eyes? B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.) A: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes? B: Still no idea.

Man said to God --- Why did you make women so beautiful? God said to man --- So that you will love them. Man said to God --- But why did you make them so dumb? God said to man --- So that they will love you.

Knock Knock Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive you so much! (I love you so much..) Knock, knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Knock, knock. Who's there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Early one morning, one of the gods was galloping around Mount Olympus. Invigorated by the brisk breeze, he shouted euphorically, "I'm Thor!" His stallion looked back at him and reminded him, "That'th becauthe you forgot the thaddle, thilly!"

Did you hear about the skeleton who walked into a cafe? He ordered a cup of coffee and a mop.

1. Did you hear about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw? 2. Did you hear about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and heard?

You can use this joke to explain that insulting someone is considered funny especially when that person is fishing for a compliment. Mary: John says I'm pretty. Andy says I'm ugly. What do you think, Peter? Peter: I think you're pretty ugly.

My boss is so unpopular even his own shadow refuses to follow him. "Do you know what really amazes me about you?" "No.What?" "Oops.Sorry. I was thinking about someone else!"

Why do we park our car in the driveway and drive our car on the parkway?

Q:-If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of? Ans :-fog

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? Humans.

A person who speaks two languages is bilingual...A person who speaks three languages is trilingual...A person who speaks four or more languages is multilingual. What is a person who speaks one language? An American.

A man receives a phone call from his doctor. The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news." The man says, "OK, give me the good news first." The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live." The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?" The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

Submitted by Anonymous

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I". Student: I is the.... Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I". Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Submitted by: Monirul Hassan

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark." Submitted by: Submitted by: Tshifhiwa Rambau

Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?" The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!" Submitted by: Michael Trew Man: How can you tell if a man is happy? Woman : Who cares?! (Use as an example of a sexist joke.) Submitted by Tomoyuki Noda from Japan

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?" Submitted by Steve

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? B: It's a girl. She's my daughter. A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father. B: I'm not. I'm her mother.

Mother: "Did you enjoy your first day at school?" Girl: "First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow? Submitted by Miguel de Paco Moltó

Headmaster: I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all your teachers. What have you been doing? Johnny: Nothing, sir. Headmaster: Exactly. Submitted by Maria del Pilar Villlegas Martinez

Teacher: "Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?" Nick: "What do you think it is, Sir?" Teacher: "I don't think, I KNOW!" Nick: "I don't think I know either, Sir!" Submitted by Bernadette Kelly

A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi. B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi. Submitted by Cláudia Almeida

A: Why are you crying? B: The elephant is dead. A: Was he your pet? B: No, but I'm the one who must dig his grave. Submitted by Joe, from Indiana

A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up. "Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?" "Wrong number," replied the girl.

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.

Just smile The man was invited to his friend's for dinner. All through the meal, the host kept calling his wife by all kinds of sweet names:" Darling," "Sweetheart,"  "Honey," "My Dear," etc...

My teacher In arithmetic class, teacher called pupil answer his question. "I don't know." said the pupil. A teacher was angry and he said to a dull pupil: "When I was your age I could answer any question in arithmetic". "Yes" said the child," but you forget that you had a different teacher from the one I have"