User talk:Swiftkick98/sandbox

= 1st Edit (Rouen) Evaluations=

Spelling/Grammar
Meets standard. No spelling or grammar errors, but a few awkward sentences.

Language
Meets standard. Again, just a few awkward sentences. For example:
 * "As the city fell under different rulers, the lasting architecture reflected their reign as well." The "as well" is a bit weird. It's so far away from the reflection of trade culture in the architecture that it's being compared to in the previous sentence.
 * "Gothic elements of architecture in Rouen still stand today--a predominant example being the renowned Rouen Cathedral." "a predominant example being" could just be replaced with "like" or "such as." It sounds a bit briefer and more encyclopedic.

Organization
Nearly meets standard. Your ideas should flow pretty well from one to the next, but some of the connections you want to make aren't clear. Like, what kinds of architecture were reflective of the flourishing trade culture in Rouen? Or, what about the building of churches and cathedrals reflected William the Conqueror's reign? Just needs some transitionary info to make it an excellent paragraph in this regard.

Coding
Perfect, exceeds standard (as far as I can tell).

Validity
Meets standard. All solid info.

Completion
Nearly meets standard. Read what I wrote under organization, I feel like they're pretty connected.

Relevance
Exceeds standard. There was nothing about the architecture in Rouen in the original article, despite the apparent wealth of architecture there.

Points
37/40 or 92%. This seems VASTLY improved from whatever you had before (I didn't see it). So great job on that! Keep on improving, you'll kill this course.

4/22/2019 Evaluation by Siarra360 (talk) 22:01, 22 April 2019 (UTC)

 * Points: 45/40
 * Grade: A

Spelling/Grammar
Exceeds Standards Everything is spelled correctly. I see you removed the "Claud" Claude Monet, good work!

Language
Exceeds Standards Great job restructuring your sentences to reflect the Subject Verb Object rule. For example, "The town (subject) was a rich, flourishing hub of trade (verb) on the River Seine and the architecture reflected this in its buildings (object)."

Organization
Exceeds Standards Good reworking this!

Coding
Exceeds Standards

Validity
Exceeds Standards Good sources and way to go with the image.

Completion
Exceeds Standards

Relevance
Exceeds Standards There was not an architecture section before and there should definitely be one.

5/7/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright
DrMichaelWright (talk) 06:09, 8 May 2019 (UTC)

The picture is a really nice touch!


 * Points: 37/40
 * Grade: 92.5%

Spelling/Grammar
Meets standard.
 * "... William the Conquerorwas of the Catholic religion..." missing space.

Language
Meets standard.

Organization
Meets standard.

Coding
Nearly meets standard. I see how you are experimenting with category codes, but this is not how that is done. (Putting that colon in there makes it a link, rather than adding it to a category. It's also not a good idea to add a sandbox article to a category.

Validity
Nearly meets standard.
 * "For example, William the Conquerorwas of the Catholic religion." Weren't everyone in those days? How is that specifically reflected in the architectures, as compared to otherwise?

Completion
Meets standard.

Relevance
Meets standard.

05/16/2019 Evaluation by sograves

 * Points: 34.5/40
 * Grade: 86.3%

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly meets standard Grammatically sound, but there are a few hiccups. For example, you misplaced a comma in “2,00,000.” Also, “Most of these languages have Italian influence, but are not limited to French influences as well” doesn’t make much sense. Perhaps you meant that they’re not limited to Italian influence and have French influence as well?

Language
Does not meet standard Very nearly there. Second sentence of your first paragraph, “...Maghreb; Maghreb being a generalization…” reads poorly. Maybe strike out “Maghreb being”? Your second paragraph borders on sympathetic (which, you know, the Berbers do face a horrific plight and it’s hard not to sympathize), but the encyclopedic tone is cold and distant. Instead of “lengths and trials are required” write something like “face a complicated process to obtain a visa”?

Organization
Meets standard

Coding
Meets standard

Validity
Meets standard Solid info, cool to do a deep-dive on a specific group of people within the city.

Completion
Meets standard.

Relevance
Nearly meets standard Kind of goes back to what I was saying earlier about this being its own subheading. Would be more relevant then than if it were just tacked onto the immigration section.

5/15/2019 Evaluation by siarranielsen

 * Points: 32/40
 * Grade: 80%

Spelling/Grammar
Exceeds Expectations Perfect adherence to standard spelling and grammar rules.

Language
Exceeds Expectations Good work reading like a formal encyclopedia.

Organization
Nearly meets standard Your assignment is very short with limited information. Dr. Wright has written about this in the past by his example when There are numerous short paragraphs, representing unrelated snippets of information. You need to write six- eight or more sentences to equal a paragraph.

Coding
Nearly meets standard Move citation number four to a better location. It's floating around alone. Dr. Wright has written, The main place where you might run into coding trouble is with the citing engine. If you run into any problems in this regard, the Wikipedia community as well as your instructor, are happy to assist, if asked in a timely fashion.

Validity
Meets standard Your information is factual with quality sources as well as the interpretation of that source material. There are many names for this Berber society, good job using all different kinds of names for them.

Completion
Does not meet standard You need to write more. I believe that a full paragraph needs to usually be at least six sentences. The professor says that a lot of statements gain a lot of credibility when there are multiple sources for one sentence. You can add more sources to previous existing sentences for more completion; also incorporate more information. Think of the Berber people's religions and describe that for more completeness. Example here, you write, In recent years, there has been a measurable increase in political representation for migrant populations, including the Berbers, in Amsterdam. And I want to see exact numbers, if possible. Write more information in places like this. Just expand what you have for the sake of time.

Relevance
Meets standard Moving forward I'd recommend you write a lot more; the professor says, Write a fair margin more than the minimum required content. That way, you get an 'exceeds standard' grade and you start to earn some extra credit!

6/6/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright
DrMichaelWright (talk) 13:45, 6 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Points: 38.5/40
 * Grade: 96.25%

Spelling/Grammar
Meets standard.
 * The Amsterdam article uses British/Commonwealth spelling, which you should adopt before adding your paragraphs to the live article. (e.g. labor=>labour)

Language
Meets standard.
 * "...are an ethnic race of..." 'race' is not the word I'd use. See here for elaboration of the term and its uses.
 * "...indigenous peoples from Morocco in North Africa and..." Morocco is just a part of where Berbers are from. I see that you understand that from the rest of your sentence. Perhaps replace with 'and elsewhere in'

Organization
Nearly meets standard.
 * Since Berbers are not the only identity group among Amsterdam's immigrants, it would be useful to have a separate header for them. Otherwise, it creates the idea that Amsterdam's immigrants are mainly Berbers, which is not the case - especially if one has to account for non-Berber Moroccans, Surinamese and Turks.
 * "After the Second World War ended, the Dutch economy underwent rapid growth, resulting in a shortage of labor." This is true of more immigrant groups than just Berbers, and should therefore be placed in the preceding paragraph, altering the first sentence of that paragraph.

Coding
Meets standard.

Validity
Nearly meets standard.
 * I do like that you distinguish Berbers, rather than just Moroccan. However, that also creates problems, since the way in which Berbers identify themselves is complex. Also, a number of your sources do not deal directly with Berbers, but refer to non-Western immigrants in general.
 * "A large number of Amsterdam's immigrant population consists of Berbers." It is most certainly true, but your source does not actually say that. It talks about the Berbers in the Netherlands. Now, there's no reason to suspect that the Moroccan/Berber population of Amsterdam is not representative of Moroccans and other Northwest Africans as a whole - but given the way that chain migration works, it's not impossible either. That's why you need to be careful about equating the Netherlands with Amsterdam specifically.
 * "...a complicated process awaits to obtain a visa." This is also true for other non-Western immigrant populations, and should probably be moved to the first paragraph of the Diversity and immigration section. Furthermore, if you're writing in the present tense, it would be best to have more up-to-date sources. It's certainly still true - maybe even more so than in the periods your somewhat dated sources suggest - but you should use up-to-date sources when writing such things.
 * "Berber peoples face racial exclusion or attacks, be they verbal or physical." This is also true, but not just for Berbers. Furthermore, your source does not specifically mention Berbers. It would be best to make this sentence more general and move it to a paragraph not dealing with the Berbers.
 * "In recent years, there has been a measurable increase in political representation for migrant populations, including the Berbers, in Amsterdam." This source also does not mention Berbers.

Completion
Meets standard.

Relevance
Meets standard. You focus a great deal on the Berbers but much of what you write should be applied to non-Western immigrants in general. That would also help even out the new material, since Berbers are just one of many different groups in the Amsterdam. Also, in Amsterdam they are not generally referred to as Berbers, but as Moroccans. If that is not the case - or if my own experience is off or outdated - then it would be useful to have that corrected and have it explicitly mentioned in the text that they refer to themselves as Berbers. At present, it seems like you allowed the van Amersfoort & van Heelsum article to railroad your thinking about this.

06/11/2019 Evaluation by Sograves

 * Points: 32/40
 * Grade: 80

Spelling/Grammar
Nearly meets standard. Numerous little errors. First paragraph: “an agriculture” should presumably be “and agriculture.” You write “combating” as “combatting” in the third paragraph.

Language
Does not meet standard. Mostly solid. In the second paragraph, your second sentence reads as far too praiseworthy in calling Copenhagen a “showcase,” and “rising implications of climate change” sounds awkward and nonspecific. What are those implications? What specifically about climate change? In the third paragraph, saying that the Accord was “to try and get other countries onboard for combating rising effects of climate change” is in need of some academic rewording.

Organization
Meets standard.

Coding
Meets standard.

Validity
Does not meet standard. There’s nothing wrong, per se, with having just one source dictate your first paragraph, but it might help vary and validate information on the green revolution. Otherwise, your information seems solid, and you integrate it very nicely into the existing text of the article. In the last paragraph, what do you mean by “a food’s impact”? The study seems to implicate food consumption and production, not just a single type of food.

Completion
Meets standard. All accounted for.

Relevance
Nearly meets standard. In your first sentence, you don’t need to mention that Copenhagen is the capital of Denmark; that’s addressed right up front in the article itself. Other than that, your info is relevant to the article. If you can find them, stats on car emissions, or stats on how impactful bike riders are on emissions would be neat. I don’t think it’s a must.

6/11/2019 Evaluation by Siarra360 (talk) 22:01, 22 April 2019 (UTC)

 * Points: 40.5/40
 * Grade: A

Spelling/Grammar
Meet Standards I peer reviewed your sandbox with a fine tooth comb. I noticed you wrote "an agriculture" when you meant "and agriculture." This was near the beginning of your sandbox. Other than that, I did not notice any other typos. I did not see any misspellings at all.

Language
Exceeds Standards When I took journalism class in college I learned to write the work "percent" out completely instead of writing the % symbol. I thought that might help make it sound like an encyclopedia a bit more, however I recommend you research my advice so it makes sense academically. I was impressed with the way you added encyclopedia tones and additional information to the end of sentences that were preexisting. Words like "tandem," "low-impact," and "fiscal" impressed me.

Organization
Meets Standards The structuring is great but there are only four paragraphs total, I suggest five. You did a great job lengthening paragraphs to be more than five sentences, however I want to see an additional paragraph and I'll touch base on that a little lower. I texted you about this earlier so you could get a jump start. The sentences are in proper places and the header looks good.

Coding
Exceeds Standards Your coding and Wikieditor seems fine. I want to be tough but this is excellent. You did a great job with your citations as can definitely be the hardest part of coding. Even the images have proper coding!

Validity
Exceeds Standards The information is accurate and structured with the earliest information first. The chronological order makes this easy to follow. Valid sources and quality information. I looked up Urban Structures Matter by Petter N. and it is indeed "research from Denmark on residential location and travel to show how and why urban spatial structures affect people's travel behaviour," like you shared.

Completion
Does not meet Standards Here is where we need to talk amount of material presented. We need five paragraphs worth of new information. That's five- seven sentences times five paragraphs to equal 25- 35 new sentences and you wrote 16 sentences and added two photos which I'd say means you need another five-ten sentences or additional photos to make up for that. Please write more to make up for the "inadequate content," which sounds way too harsh for my tastes yet is the verbiage from the module page. I think one image could replace two sentences, as an option. Your images are great, that needs to be said! Maybe add one more?

Relevance
Exceeds Standards Your information on Copenhagen was interesting and riveting. I'd say your article is noteworthy. You did a textbook job with relevance, in my opinion, because it's the opposite of completion. If you wrote too much then it could stray from the topic, according to Dr. Wright in module 4.

6/17/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright
DrMichaelWright (talk) 12:26, 17 June 2019 (UTC)

This looks real nice and is well-written and formatted. Unfortunately, the sources frequently just do not check out (see below).
 * Points: 34/40
 * Grade: 85%

Spelling/Grammar
Meets standard.

Language
Meets standard.

Organization
Meets standard.

Coding
Meets standard.

Validity
Does not meet standard.
 * "In 2001 a large offshore wind farm was built just off the coast of Copenhagen at Middelgrunden, which has caused a gradual rise in property prices in the surrounding areas.[9]" Since the source you cite for this does not deal with Middelgrunden, but with property prices elsewhere in Denmark (see below), this statement is not validated by your source.

Completion
Meets standard.

Relevance
Does not meet standard.
 * By saying that "Copenhagen has become a leading city in building sustainable infrastructure and environmental awareness," you seem to be confusing things. The city is where the 2009 United Nations Climate Change Conference happened to take place. The Danish government, and possibly the city government, probably played official host to the conference itself, but the heavy negotiating with other global partners was done on their behalf by the European Union. Also, most of the negotiating was done well ahead of time, and Copenhagen the city had little to do with it. Furthermore, the Copenhagen conference is frequently seen as a failure, to which which your sources attest.
 * The Winter source does not say what you say it does. It's calling much of Copenhagen's so-called "green" culture an elaborate set of lies.