User talk:Swithinge

Lathe Lover

The lathe lover is a very starnge and rare creature. As with a gremlin which viciously attacks technology; the lathe lover however takes great joy in making sexual acts to a lathe or other similar items associated with a school workshop. The lathe lover is often mistaken to be human. They only way of discerning a lathe lover from a human is when they are in their adult stage. When they are in their adult stage their occupation is ofetn that of the workshop techician. To the trained eye, you can spot a lathe lover in larval state. This is often a person who is accosiated with being 'non-human' and will indeed spend a great deal of time within the vicinity of the workshop itself or indeed inside. The adult lathe lover has a very strong maternal side when they are within the presence of a larval lathe lover. Both stages of lathe lover can often be observed working together within the workshop building starnge contraptions. Until recently it was unknown as to why they do this. This was because when a larval lathe lover and adult lathe lover are within contact and use the same lathe for their sexual acts, they will inpregnate each other. The devices they have built together are used to capture humans who have just reached puberty. This is because the development which the human goes through during puberty, accelerates the development of the baby lathe lover.

An example of this mating ritual is given below (names are given to the lathe lovers to make them more human)

Larval lathe lover - Karl Adult lathe lover - Graham

Graham is known throughout the school for setting up a caravan outside the workshop so he can feel more at home. Karl is observed to spend every moment of his time in the workshop and soon becomes indistinguishable from Graham. Both form a bond of friendship and viciously attack people who approach them, will slap people around the head for touching a keyboard (it reminds them of slowly rubbing their lathe)and will also aim to deter people who approach their sexy lathe.

If you see a lathe lover, make sure to replace the oil in the lathe to hydrochloric acid to kill the lathe lover. If you are starting puberty then inform an adult human about the presence of the lathe lover as they will know how to kill them.

Beware Graham and Karl could be anywhere, anytime, humping a cold and lonely lathe.

April 2009
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