User talk:Tamsberk/Food Justice

Student Peer review
Hi, your page has a lot of variety and information to it and touching on all those topics will add a lot of depth to your page. I would just think though, if you expand on all of those topics, your page would be quite long. I am wondering your plans for how you will be doing that? I'd like to see how it is when y'all have finished organizing it. I think y'all are on a right solid track. And remember, be bold!  — Preceding unsigned comment added by Ongtruotvan (talk • contribs) 05:28, 12 March 2017 (UTC)

Hi, current classmate for the EJ class. There was an assignment to do a peer review so here I am. It looks like you all have a lot of detailes down already-- great job on the details, it looks like it'll be a really comprehensive article. The "cite" tool is actually really useful to use so it might be helpful to use to to keep the page clean while you're writing an outline. Are you all gonna get copyrights to images? Good job so far!

Ejproject (talk) 00:52, 8 March 2017 (UTC)

For the history of food justice section: It might be a good idea to leave timeline in bulletproof form and have a paragraph for the section. Having a timeline makes it easier for Wikipedia users to extract certain information without having to read a few paragraphs For the section regarding predictions for the trump administration, be care not to present any biased with that section. Maybe it would be safer to make the section on what trumps administration’s has done so far regarding food justice so it becomes more factual. Other than those two suggestions, you guys seem to be on the right track. Good topics and subtopics. If you would like for me to do another peer review after you guys put your ideas into article form, feel free to ask!

Lhashemi (talk) 03:19, 12 March 2017 (UTC)lhashemi

Looks like a very interesting page! One thing I would suggest is to maybe start out with some facts/stats on food injustice and how it disproportionately impacts low income communities and communities of color. I think if you include that right off the bat, it would make more sense as to what the concept is and why people should care. Also, just watch your tone in the Trump section. You want to make sure you are not sounding biased, and just stating the facts. You guys seem to have a lot going on in your outline...are you sure you will be able to get all of that done? It might be better to go more in depth on a few of those things, rather than try to tackle it all. Other than that, it looks great so far!Hotcheetoprincess (talk) 03:42, 12 March 2017 (UTC)

Firstly, I think your topic is very interesting and relevant to environmental justice. Already you have a lot of great sources and information to discuss on your page. A few points of constructive criticism: 1) In your "Food Justice" section, you mention Just Food but you do not explain what type of company, Just Food is or why it is important enough to mention in your article 2) The "History" section was very difficult to read. Perhaps making a timeline with the data first then the historical fact would make this section stronger 3) In the "History" section you guys say " term Food Justice yet invented...", consider revising this sentence's structure 4) In the "Food Assistance Programs" section, I think it would help to define what the programs do for food justice 5) The Trump section sounds a bit biased. Overall, the topic and material in the paper is coming alone well. Good luck on the final draft!Abendixen (talk) 04:06, 12 March 2017 (UTC)

Just found out about the food justice certification for farms and thought it may be a good addition to this wiki article! More info here: https://www.agriculturaljusticeproject.org/en/certification/ SemiTalia (talk) 19:12, 20 March 2017 (UTC)

That sounds like a great thing to add! We will look into it. Thanks Tamsberk (talk) 23:20, 20 March 2017 (UTC)

Student Feedback from Garrison
Really well done so far! There is great linking to other articles and good sourcing. I also like the photos you have to chosen to incorporate. I think the article has a great structure and is very thorough. I couple suggestions for improvement:

- Copy Editing: Do another read through and make sure that everything makes sense and to fix any grammatical errors. For example, the TEFAP sentence didn't make sense to me, and the under the SNAP section there are years listed as "191-1964"

- Could add some more details in some of the sections, such as "Free Breakfast for Children" - what is this exactly?

- The formatting of the first photo seems a bit off? Maybe align it to be at the very top right?

- Subsidies section is blank

- In the last paragraph - what EO are you referring to? The Farm Bill? That is legislation not an EO. That part was a unclear to me.

- I would consider renaming the section title about the future of food justice to not include Trump's name. I can see people taking issue with that. Maybe just "Future of Food Justice"?

Keep up the excellent work! California1990 (talk) 22:31, 2 April 2017 (UTC)

Feedback from Prof. Gelobter
great stuff....A few suggestions:

1) keep your eyes on the prize -- focus more on strengthening and deepening your citations and evidence on issues of justice than on combatting those who seek to erase any mention of it. 2) that being said, your page is in good enough shape to spend a bit of time tweaking any vulnerabilities to the charge of not being neutral 3) I disagree with Garrison...mentioning Trump is fine as long as it's properly cited/evidenced up as you have been doing by and large.

--EJustice (talk) 07:21, 10 April 2017 (UTC)

feedback Sentence #2
I suggest rewording sentence #2 from:


 * Food justice seeks to dismantle the inequalities within the industrial food system by incorporating other forms of justice, and critically theorizing about race, class, ethnicity, sustainability, and food access.

to:


 * Food justice relies on the premise that there are substantial inequalities within the industrial food, which it wishes to address by incorporating other forms of justice, critically theorizing about race, class, ethnicity, sustainability, and food access.

or something similar, to be more WP:NPOV and neutral and descriptive in tone. I tried twice to make the change, but you all are working so vigorously on this that I can't easily get my edit in. Thanks for the hard work. --David Tornheim (talk) 19:15, 14 April 2017 (UTC)

Pinging  about the above. Also, it's very unusual to have so many editors changing an article at the same time. It's not as unusual to have so many editors weigh in here on the talk page about a controversial change. Often those are invited by WP:RfC when there is disagreement. --David Tornheim (talk) 19:23, 14 April 2017 (UTC)
 * why do you think so many of those you pinged above no longer have accounts? EJustice (talk) 06:41, 18 April 2017 (UTC)


 * I do not know if they continue to have accounts or not. I do know there has been little activity on most of those accounts, except for that one day I pinged them.  Do you know more?  If you want to say something privately you can email me from my user page, left-hand side, under tools, forth item down.  --David Tornheim (talk) 08:07, 18 April 2017 (UTC)
 * thanks...their user pages are non-existent. Quite a few of the editors on my students' pages are like this...names highlighted in the rev history in red and then you click on them and they have no User pages, which, I presume, means they no longer have accounts? Worth flagging for somebody? EJustice (talk) 08:21, 18 April 2017 (UTC)
 * No. I just means they didn't create a user page.  There are many new users like this.  There are some long-term users like this too.  If you look at AN/I, you will see a lot of red like this.  Thanks for asking.  --David Tornheim (talk) 08:34, 18 April 2017 (UTC)

Sentences like this are why you are getting editors wanting to delete the article such as this. --David Tornheim (talk) 20:08, 14 April 2017 (UTC)

Hi there, thanks for your edits. We are working on editing the wording to make it more neutral and let the facts/studies speak for themselves, & perhaps have a "the neutrality of this article is disputed tag" rather than deletion. Four original editors created this article, but we welcome more feedback in the talk page.Laejstudent2 (talk) 20:53, 14 April 2017 (UTC)

renaming the page
A few people have mentioned previously (in the discussion for deletion feed) that we should change the title of the page from "Food Justice" to "Food justice" (lowercase). This intention has been edited on the page, as every time the subject comes up it is referred to in lower-case. What is the community's thoughts on this? Tamsberk (talk) 00:39, 18 April 2017 (UTC)
 * This is the normal way the page would be named. It will need an admin to move it, since the redirect at Food justice has history.  All the best: Rich Farmbrough, 09:10, 19 April 2017 (UTC).

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): Quackxo, EJAlly, Laejstudent2. Peer reviewers: Ejproject.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 15:14, 18 January 2022 (UTC)