User talk:Tapbh/Archive 2

Feedback
Tapbh

Having started this page yourself, I think it has great structure and the content thus far is relevant and useful to the topic. I think an improvement would be to continue the work in each of the sub-sections you have created (as you have noted at the bottom of the page). A few suggestions of what I think would be helpful information in the article would be:
 * Employment - To include the types of employment that youth have, such as temporary jobs or career oriented work. Also if there is a gender breakdown of employment that could be useful in this section
 * Health - In the health section I think adding information of a few more health risks of youth in Czech Republic such as obesity, mental health, violence related deaths. I think your inclusion of drinking and smoking stats in Czech Republic was very good, and a prominent health issue amongst youth.
 * Education - You mentioned the low enrollment of the Universities when compared to other European countries, would it be possible to find more stats on enrollment.

Looking through your sources, they all seem to be solid and reliable for the information you are looking at. As I was trying to find a source to recommend I have found it difficult to pinpoint the exact information that I was looking for, so I have to say great job on finding so many sources regarding youth in Czech Republic. I did find one source through Cowles, that has to do with global youth unemployment, http://cowles-proxy.drake.edu/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=bth&AN=69720901&scope=site - I am not sure how helpful it will be to your overall article, however it may offer some insight for the employment section. Overall I think your article is coming together nicely, and after further development will be a very useful article. Kelly0327 (talk) 02:51, 1 November 2013 (UTC)

Wikipedia Draft Rubric & Suggestions
Writing Style: Good

I thought the tone was neutral and formal. I did not sense a Western bias by writing structure or word choice. I thought the article was concise and easy to understand. I think your writing is very straightforward and readable. Keep doing that! The hyperlinks were appropriate and good choices as well. Remember to watch out for using peacock terms. I caught “more likely” in one section. Remember to place commas where needed as well. I caught a few places needing commas.

Structure of Article: Fair

I only put Fair because there is no image present. Just don’t forget to add one! Ask Abby or another classmate for help if you are having trouble. There must be pictures out there! Besides that, I thought the structure was good. The lead section establishes the significance of the article and makes the reader want to know more. I thought the last sentence in the lead was great! Keep it like it is would be my advice. The sections appear in logical order. We just need to make sure we have ours both in the same order, which we discussed last class. Remember to change the “Work” section to “Employment.” The article flowed appropriately for the most part. I’m not sure if I’d put the dating paragraph under “Family.” Maybe title the section “Relationships” instead or a “Marriage” section. Perhaps, once you put more information in, the connectedness between family and dating will be seen.

Content: Good

I thought the information was good so far. The reader is enlightened and not confused. But, I believe adding more information to the sections, especially Crime, Health, and Religion, will help greatly develop the topic. I wanted to know more. I think having at least five quality sentences to each section is a good goal, but the more, the better! I would perhaps try to have at least two paragraphs under each section.

The only sentence that confused me was the second sentence in the Crime section. I think it might need to be two sentences. Please change that sentence around, so it makes more sense.

Questions I thought for content were and possible ideas on information to add: What kind of Health Care services is available to Czech Republic youth? Are the youth that are religious Protestant or Roman Catholic? Why is Atheism the cultural norm? What are the factors causing that? What were some of the 4,000 projects aimed at juvenile crime? Is there more information to add to “Education” section?

WP Community Standards: Excellent 

The article is a unique, notable subject. No one has written about the Youth in the Czech Republic. The citations look good, and there appears to be no original research.

Overall: I think the information so far is great. More information will help develop the topic.

The writing is neutral and easy to understand.

I believe you have a great lead-in section.

Reconsider where to put the dating/marriage information.

If you are having trouble finding information, you can set up an appointment with a reference librarian to help find information. I am doing that tomorrow for my health section for Denmark.

Here is a source I found in GALE. I think it contains good information on the Education System: Dridi, Barbara Lakeberg. "Czech Republic." World Education Encyclopedia. Ed. Rebecca Marlow-Ferguson. 2nd ed. Vol. 1. Detroit: Gale, 2001. 321-336. Global Issues In Context. Web. 2 Nov. 2013. Document URL http://find.galegroup.com/gic/infomark.do?&source=gale&idigest=8b4f5c18b21409583272658ff128480b&prodId=GIC&userGroupName=drakeu_main&tabID=T001&docId=CX3409700062&type=retrieve&contentSet=EBKS&version=1.0

Hope this helps. I also made a few edits to your page. Good luck!!Lhegtvedt (talk) 05:45, 2 November 2013 (UTC)

Feedback
Hi Tapbh. Make sure to link your article so that it is not an orphan page. You're picture is positioned well and looks good in the article. You do well to compare the Czech Republic with other countries in Europe and perhaps could relate it to other countries in the world. You have provided a wide range of information that is in depth and insightful. Well done. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Qwertyp23 (talk • contribs) 17:39, 4 November 2013 (UTC)  — Preceding unsigned comment added by Tapbh (talk • contribs)

Outstanding Peer Feedback
Tapbh, your peers did a nice job evaluating your work. Your sources are truly outstanding. You have built this article from scratch, and it's something to be proud of. I found one other statistical source for you and made a quick edit. I encourage you to keep expanding, and definitely nominate an interesting fact for Did You Know?.

Some of your references look like you used the "first name, last name" approach for non-author cited articles. Also, a bit of the wording is still awkward. These are minor suggestions for what is shaping up to be a solid piece of work. Nicely done! Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 22:17, 5 November 2013 (UTC)

Feedback
I left some feedback for the current draft on your talk page. Gobōnobō + c 19:34, 19 November 2013 (UTC)

Draft Feedback
Here are a few suggestions before you take your article live.

I feel that the family section either needs some more information about the nuclear family or what exactly the family structure looks like. Either that, or consider a more appropriate title for the section. It also might be nice to see how religion compares to older cohorts in the country. Has religiosity made a recent, or large, shift? I would also try to make some comparisons between other parts of the world, not just parts of Europe. Also, I find myself interested in learning more about the types of job and occupations that are popular right now in the Czech Republic. I'd also be interested in knowing about the legality of the types of substances you mention. Is there a liberal drug and alcohol culture? What are the laws surrounding controlled substances?

AbbeyMaynard (talk) 21:49, 13 November 2013 (UTC)

Youth in the Czech Republic draft feedback
Hi Tapbh.

Thank you for your great feedback for your classmates. Here's some feedback for your current draft:


 * Your referencing is quite thorough. Great job.
 * The subsection headers for the family section struck me as awkward-sounding. Maybe instead of younger youths, teenage youths, and young adult youths you could use children, teenagers, and young adults.
 * The related sections could use links to Religion in the Czech Republic, Healthcare in the Czech Republic, and Crime in the Czech Republic. A good way to incorporate these links is to place, for example, at the beginning of the Religion section.
 * In the religion section I couldn't tell whether you were indicating that atheism was the cultural norm for the whole population or just the youth population.
 * The Education in the Czech Republic article lists the age of compulsory education as 6 to 15, different than your 6 to 16. I'm not sure which one is correct.
 * This sentence is malformed: "Czechs will generally start working at the age of 18 but often in their early to mid-twenties."
 * I think with this type of article it is easy (and maybe necessary) to have it be very statistic-based, but a more approachable article will incorporate more narrative prose by, say, using examples to illustrate and elaborate on the statistics.

Let me know if I can help with anything. Once your article goes live, don't worry about nominating it for Did You Know section on the main page. I can take care of that. Gobōnobō + c 19:30, 19 November 2013 (UTC)