User talk:Tborto1/sandbox

Heather's Edits
Good work Travis! You included so much information in a very concise way :)

Are the things that appear as meant to be links to other articles? If so, the format is Fort Grahame and things only need to be linked the first time they are mentioned in the article, since yours is last, things like the Peace river have already been linked.

I wrote (cite!) where I think additional citations are needed.

I'm not sure about the use of words such as luckily and unfortunately. I think that they may imply a POV/opinion.

For this sentence, in my mind these grammar changes make it flow better. What do you think?


 * When it became clear that the environmental impacts of the dam would render land unlivable to local Aboriginal groups who had become (suggested change, 'had become' to 'were' dependent on (the) hereditary sites, the BC government offered a settlement. --Heatheralyse (talk) 00:51, 27 March 2012 (UTC)

It turns out the Fort Grahame example is a bad one, because it turns up in red which means there is no article written on it, a better example is fur trade. --Heatheralyse (talk) 00:54, 27 March 2012 (UTC)

Great work Travis! Only suggestion I have for you is to separate the positive and negative effects in the second section. Right now you mention both in the same sentence, but my suggestion to you if what if you talked about the positive things and then started a new sentence with, "There was however negative changes..." for example. Not sure what you think but just thought I'd let you know! --Kaypri (talk) 05:01, 27 March 2012 (UTC)