User talk:Tchhibbar

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Hello, Tchhibbar, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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Tammy's Peer Review For Human Trafficking in California
Overall, I think the article has a very clear structure and the total amount of information is divided among the sections in a balanced manner. As per the peer review training module, the lead section is easy to understand and clearly lays out what human trafficking is exactly and how it pertains to the specific state of California. The UN Protocol cited in the first paragraph is a neutral and credible source and thus provides a good entry way into the rest of the article. Some suggestions:

1. In the Demographics section, I would put the statistics regarding Mexican workers after those from the National Human Trafficking Resource Center because the latter is more pertinent and covers a broader range of issues. If possible, it might also be beneficial to include updated statistics from 2016 onwards or the past year to more accurately paint a picture of the trajectory this phenomenon has taken in California.In that vein, extending the 8-year gap of statistics to include those that cover pre-2000 slavery demographics in California would also be helpful especially in conjunction with the subsequent "law" section as then readers can make connections between certain trends with respect to human trafficking and the impact specific laws have had on them over the years.

2. Instead of saying "exact numbers are difficult to obtain" in the demographics section, you could more formally state "Given that human trafficking is illegal in California, statistics regarding the subject may not fully represent the extent of the issue" or something that more directly highlights the notion that there is an underreporting of numbers.

3. As an extension of point 1, it may be useful to add a "history" section to outline the precedence of human trafficking in the state of California or add a link to another page that may mention parts of it.

4. In the "Law" section of the article there is a link to the "Transparency In Supply Chains Act" (citation 10) that is broken/ does not exist.

5. In the "Law" section, I think it would be helpful to elaborate more upon the specific laws passed, including the SB-1193 law and Assembly Bill 22. For instance, you say that Assembly Bill 22 set "higher criminal penalties" for human trafficking, but don't provide what exactly these were considered higher to/ by how much they increased. Also, what "certain" businesses were required to post a human trafficking hotline in a public location for the SB-1193 law?

6. In the "demographics" section, you say that potentially 495,293 undocumented Mexican workers have been victims of labor trafficking in California but in the "illegal immigrants" section you say the same source (San Diego State University) states that 38,458 undocumented Mexican workers have been victims of human trafficking. While I understand this discrepancy is due to the term "potential" in the first figure and the notion of underreporting, this may not be clear to some readers (see point 2).

7. In the "Regional Anti-Human Trafficking Task Forces" section, it would be beneficial to elaborate upon the individual task forces themselves and maybe highlight the more prominent/successful ones in relation to notable cases or effective use of legislation. This could be done in a manner similar to the way in which you have written about the organizations in the subsequent section.

8. While the examples provided in the "examples" section are very effective and informative, is there a particular order in which you have placed them? I would suggest putting them in chronological order if they aren't already, or by order of how high-profile they are.

Apart from this, the article seems to be in good shape but some of the citations have missing links or insufficient information eg. a missing or empty title. These are highlighted in red on the bottom. There are sometimes a few sentences that are too long or could be fixed grammatically, such as 'The U.S. Department of Justice awarded grants to create six regional task forces in 2004 and 2005, and in 2009 and 2010, the California Emergency Management Agency used American Recovery and Reinvestment Act grant funds to create three new regional task forces" but mostly everything else is clear and succinct, and presented objectively.

Great job so far! Tchhibbar (talk) 05:49, 24 February 2018 (UTC)