User talk:Tessklain/sandbox

Feedback from Zeina
I found your writing to be really interesting and insightful. I think that the content that you are adding is important and relevant to note. I checked out your sources and they both seem credible and appropriate to your topic. However, I think that your sentences could be a little more concise. Maybe try combining a few of the shorter sentences to make the writing style align more with the pre-existing wikipedia writing. In addition, your use of the phrase “social media” is a little bit repetitive. I would recommend that you take out a few of those phrases and either replace them with something else or work the sentence so that you don’t need to write it so often.

Your first sentence is a little bit difficult to understand, what is meant by “democratic behavior”? Also, in your second sentence you write that “social media is most commonly used for non-social media purposes”. Did you mean that “social media is most commonly used for non-news purposes”?

Overall though, I think that your work is really great. All of the information you included is relevant, there is no fluff or unnecessary information.

Suggestions from Michelle Wang
I like the content about the potential link of social media and politics. It is engaging and relevant. Just make sure to use neutral and professional Wikipedia language when you put thoughts into language. It is unnecessary to use phrases like “it is believed” and “it is found,” “when it comes to” that will reduce your credibility. Instead of saying “It is found that news use leads to political persuasion,” you could say “news use lead to political persuasion according to…” Another thing I can recommend is that you add in-line citation while you're writing. In addition, I found that the first three sentences are a little bit of confusing. Maybe you can work on logic and make few changes. Overall, your work is really good and I’m looking forward to reading the improved work.

Emily Kim Edit
A lot of the information presented in the beginning of the sentence had "It is believed" and "It is said..." which is not Wikipedia language. Even if you are gathering information from research pretty much all the information needs to be stated as a fact. So for example when you said "It is believed that social media benefits democrats" instead write "During elections social media tends to benefit more Democrats than Republicans." Emkim123 (talk) 13:32, 19 April 2018 (UTC)

Eleanor Palmer connect your citations to the text
I was looking at your content, and before you upload to wiki I would connect your citations to specific information in your paragraph so that it is clear where it came from.