User talk:The Lady Catherine de Burgh/A fool's guide to the 2013 Arbcom election

Comments on GJP
Greetings m'Lady.

I'm afraid that this review has shown that you have not done your homework properly. For shame!

Everyone knows that Whisky is properly spelled without the "e" and the crap that they make in Kentucky and Tennessee is neither spelled nor brewed properly. Second, a bit of research on your part would have found a userbox on my page that declares my devotion to Single malts. Now I have been defamed! A Bourbon drinker? Seriously? OMG, the shame of that accusation!

I demand an immediate retraction of that scurrilous allegation, or I will be forced to contact a solicitor in your jurisdiction, probably Dewey, Cheatem & Howe to further handle the matter.

Now I have to go drink my Talisker. Regards, GregJackP   Boomer!   16:50, 22 November 2013 (UTC)
 * Young man, you can't just wander in here and address Her Ladyship like that - all communication with Lady Catherine must be through me, her secretary and personal factotum. Her Ladyship strongly disproves of anyone partaking excessively of strong liquor and has no idea of the beverages (or their spellings) available to reprobates in the USA. Furthermore, she feels your country would be vastly improved with the reintroduction of Prohibition. Vera Corpus (Miss) (talk) 17:40, 22 November 2013 (UTC)
 * Sure I can. Remember, I'm 'merican, which means I don't have to follow out-dated European rules.  Now, about that retraction from Ms. Kate, when can I expect it?   GregJackP   Boomer!   21:13, 22 November 2013 (UTC)
 * No, it means you have much to learn before becoming acceptable company in polite society. I'm sure her Ladyship is aware of individuals from, for example, Alabama, who have been able to accommodate themselves to European social graces. "Strong liquor" does not form a part of that process. --Demiurge1000 (talk) 21:17, 26 November 2013 (UTC)
 * Yeah but Alabama's sissified. I'm from Texas.  Next thing you know, you'll want me to be checking my guns in at the town limit, and we all know that dog won't hunt...  GregJackP   Boomer!   21:28, 26 November 2013 (UTC)
 * Texas? Texas? I'm sorry Mr P. I don't we think we know Texas; I've never been there with M'Lady - do lots of lovely people live there? I don't think M'Lady will have been there otherwise - as her lady's maid, I've been all over the world hunting: Leicestershire, Rutland, New Forrest, Spain, Portugal, India and Africa (that's where she got her favorite coat), but I don't think we've ever been to a place called Texas. Doloris Castrum (talk) 18:49, 2 December 2013 (UTC)

Woodsheds
I strongly maintain that there is no admissible evidence that I have a woodshed, or have had one since 1994. In the matter of woodsheds, I can assure you that I am a completely reformed character - David Gerard (talk) 19:18, 24 November 2013 (UTC)
 * For the benefit of those less well read than Her Ladyship, Lady Catherine was speaking metaphorically and referring to "something nasty in the woodshed" as quoted in Cold Comfort Farm. In that sense, Lady Catherine feels Mr Gerard does indeed have a woodshed and knows it to stocked with an over abundant supply of logs. Lady Catherine feels it would be a pity if she should find the need to light that particular pyre. Vera Corpus (Miss) (talk) 19:47, 24 November 2013 (UTC)
 * Bob Howard has dealt with the matter conclusively. - David Gerard (talk) 20:19, 24 November 2013 (UTC)
 * Don't click in the link anyone; it may take us somewhere very nasty and distasteful! The Lady Catherine de Burgh (talk) 17:46, 26 November 2013 (UTC)