User talk:ThomasB111/sandbox

This is the shared sandbox: [] ThomasB111 (talk) 14:23, 21 February 2018 (UTC)

Thomas's Changes
The first paragraph does not read well. The opening line sounds like it is trying to be too scholastic in its tone, and ultimately ends up only making the simple definition of bribery sound confusing. The second sentence gives a law dictionary definition for bribery that does not match the definition in the actual dictionary entry, so I will change that. Finally, the last sentence simply does not seem like it belongs. I will be reviewing that, and looking out for either a better way to rework it so it can fit, another place to put it, or just getting rid of it altogether. A lot of what is going on in this opening section feels like it does not belong, or at least not in the opening section. This does not read like other, common Wikipedia articles, and I know that when I read a Wiki article that has a different tone in its opening sections than most other's I am less likely to trust the article's content. If that is the way I feel, I am sure others do too, so this is something I want to improve. The "Preventions" heading is noticeably light on information. It only contains one paragraph of content, and that content focusses more on why businesses SHOULD take precautions to prevent corporate bribery, rather than How businesses Are preventing bribery. I would also like to clean some of the content that is already written up, as some of the sentences are poorly constructed. ThomasB111 (talk) 14:52, 21 February 2018 (UTC)
 * I am going to clean up the first paragraph
 * I will then review the opening section as a whole
 * Finally, I will add some content to the "Preventions" heading