User talk:Thon de Baai/Activist Atricle

Dear Thon de Baai, your article adds considerable more depth to the section on youth homelessness in Australia (as part of the Youth homelessness page.You have drawn on some great new sources which are also up to date. I picked up some issues that need to be done if you want to publish your improvements in the actual wikipedia article. An internal link for the ABS could be added (there is a wikipedia page https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Bureau_of_Statistics). The sentence "There are no internationally agreed upon definitions ..." is copied from the Homelessness in Australia page, so needs putting in  your own words. There are also places where you need to be more specific: in the sentence "the report indicate(s) that overall Aboriginal ..." you need to name the report you are referring to. In the paragraph on cultural definitions you need to put the last sentence first, because that is where you appear to define the term. Also the references you have in bold need either to be left out or made proper citations. Again in the paragraph starting "Further more, it has arged" who has argued? you need to be specific. Great use of images. Also the article needs to be better integrated into the structure of the original article to improve the original article's flow, sub headings etc. JaneHaggis 10:09, 27 October 2019 (UTC)