User talk:TiffanyLiu12/sandbox

I feel like both sections need a sentence or couple of sentences before the paragraph starts, where you introduce the topic by giving a general overview instead of starting with specific examples such as: "The media and society work together to construct a view of what masculinity and femininity should look like." I would suggest starting with something like what is a social pressure, or how does social pressure relate to this topic.Gabrielbsousa (talk) 17:08, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

I think it's valid to mention where or from who did the statistics mentioned come from ("Out of 101 individuals, 86% responded that their use of performance enhancement drugs were influenced by the potential athletic success. 74% were influenced by the economic aspect, and 30% were drawn to the use of ergogenic aids due to self-confidence and social recognition related reasons"). Something like: "In 2002 USA Sports Magazine researched and found that 30%..."Gabrielbsousa (talk) 17:14, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

"The media and society work together to construct a view of what masculinity and femininity should look like. Adolescent athletes are constantly influenced by what they see on the media, and some go to extreme measures to achieve the ideal image since society channels Judith Butler’s definition of gender as a performative act.[1] Social pressure is one of the factors that leads to doping in sport."

I think the topic sentence should start with "Social pressure is one of the factors that leads to doping in sport." Then, move on to perceptions of masculinity and femininity, but include more stats and examples to show how that is the case and include citations.

"The media and society work together to construct a view of what masculinity and femininity should look like. Adolescent athletes are constantly influenced by what they see on the media, and some go to extreme measures to achieve the ideal image since society channels Judith Butler’s definition of gender as a performative act.[1] Social pressure is one of the factors that leads to doping in sport."

I think the topic sentence should start with "Social pressure is one of the factors that leads to doping in sport." Then, move on to perceptions of masculinity and femininity, but include more stats and examples to show how that is the case and include citations.

Also, I think the study of which these statistics came from should be added before mentioning them: "Out of 101 individuals, 86% responded that their use of performance enhancement drugs were influenced by the potential athletic success. 74% were influenced by the economic aspect, and 30% were drawn to the use of ergogenic aids due to self-confidence and social recognition related reasons." Jamiewang47 (talk) 17:17, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

I'll co-sign the opinions expressed above - I feel as if your opening statements on the nature of gender require additional sources or evidence. The same can be said for the statistics mentioned above, which need to be cited from whatever study generated them. Beyond the general suggestion of an increase in citations, however, I wouldn't say that there is much else to be corrected in your sandbox.Douglas Firs (talk) 17:20, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

Consider removing the word "like" from the sentence "There is the pressure to act and look like a certain way because that is a symbol". This should give the sentence better flow. Jtumina (talk) 17:21, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

Judith Butler’s- can you hyperlink? Jevilla001 (talk) 17:24, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

Elite athletes have financial and competitive motivations that differ from that of recreational athletes.- Try and make this a stronger topic sentence when relating it to doping in sports. Possibly change it to "Elite athletes have financial competitive motivations causing them to dope. This is different from recreational athletes..." Otherwise good use of sources as well as statistics.Lizgonzalez511 (talk) 17:27, 28 November 2018 (UTC)

under SOCIAL PRESSURES or in your Wiki article is there a section which states the differences in social pressures amongst men and women? hat would be an interesting subtext? Jevilla001 (talk) 17:29, 28 November 2018 (UTC)