User talk:Tinomungoni/sandbox

Thalia's Review
Hello Tino.. l will be going through your sandbox and will give you any suggestions that l might be thinking. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Thalia101 (talk • contribs) 18:34, 1 March 2018 (UTC) Your background looks good but l have one or two questions, your second from last sentence "when the Pisa location moved, the new UNHRD"??? is that sentence incomplete as you are still working on the article? If the background could be in more chronological order because on some parts, l almost miss it. The benefits are great but an elaboration on them would be great, aswell maybe examples where the UNHRD has been successful. All your links are working just perfect and great job on that Tino. Your topic sentences relate to the headings which is good. For the locations l noticed that 2 have elaborations and the rest do not, so l am assuming that since your are still working on it you will add some flesh on to that, but just a reminder if you may have missed it. l noticed some minor grammatical errors, for example, on the Aims.. just after the bulleted points one of your sentences starts off as "Partners The" if you could just look into that. Overally the work is great, and l appreciate the amount of work you put into this. Great job so far Tino, cannot wait to read your completed article. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 47.55.108.169 (talk) 23:02, 3 March 2018 (UTC) (Thalia101 (talk) 23:04, 3 March 2018 (UTC))

Hello, I will be peer reviewing your article. I like what you have so far. The background heading is fine, I assume you will be adding this to what is already in the original article. The benefits could be expanded on. Instead of just giving a list of the benefits the UNHRD offers, you could elaborate on these benefits by explaining what they actually are because I have no idea how the UNHRD provides coordination for example. The only other thing you could fix would be the layout of the information under the Locations heading. It is kind of hard to read and could be better laid out. My recommendation would be to put "Dubai: Dubai is located in the International Humanitarian City and it was built in 1998. The UAE government maintains it. This location has a training center, temperature control, and both an open and a closed storage." to make it easier to read. Also be sure to fix spelling errors and mispunctuation before submitting. Good job so far! JohnFarrell5 (talk) 15:33, 2 March 2018 (UTC)