User talk:Tisham

Everything looks in order... Pmedward (talk) 02:44, 19 January 2011 (UTC)

Hello Ccogar (talk) 17:10, 2 February 2011 (UTC)

The comment and signature you left at User_talk:Ccogar look great, too. (This is something you'll do more of later in the semester when we start peer reviews for others' Wikipedia entries.) Pmedward (talk) 19:01, 2 February 2011 (UTC)

First off, I would speak with our professor about your page, because there already is a Wikipedia entry for Energy Drinks. Second, it seems as though you haven't gotten past the outlining step, so there isn't much I could add to what you have except saying, "you need more detail", but I figure that's a given. You have a few sections that are clearly important, but it appears you are leaving out the most important, the history. Who made the first, what was the first, when, where, why, how? All of these questions need to be answered in some sort of history section. JKinzbach (talk) 00:37, 21 March 2011 (UTC)

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Well-written – You don’t have much written here so far, but I would definitely suggest to go back through your first paragraph to check for grammatical and spelling errors. If you need help or would like me to edit the grammatical errors that I’ve found, I would be more than happy to help, just let me know. Comprehensive – There’s not a whole lot of information to go by based on what you’ve provided thus far. I think you’ve got a pretty good idea of what kind of information you want to provide. It seems as though y’all are passionate about providing a concise collection of information to make sure that people know the possible effects, ingredients, and uses of various kinds of energy drinks. What kinds of energy drinks are you considering using? Some of the big-names that I’ve heard of are: Redbull, Monster, 5-Hour Energy, Amp. I’m not sure if this is entirely relevant to your page, but maybe you could also explore the recent debates over the alcoholic FourLoko and why it was removed from the shelves and the caffeine was removed from the products now sold in stores. Was it just because the caffeine levels were too dangerous, or was it because the mixing of alcohol with caffeine was too dangerous? Maybe you could provide some sort of “WARNING” that says not to mix any form of alcohol with any form of caffeinated energy drink!!!

Well researched – So far, you’ve got 4 links that will probably help expand your outline. I’ve found a few websites that I think would benefit greatly and help you expand. Furthermore, when you do “searches” on Google or anywhere else, maybe your search string could include the specific name of an Energy drink to expand on it a little more. http://www.screamingenergy.com/ http://www.monsterenergy.com/ http://www.whyev.com/energy-drinks.html http://www.bandddesigns.com/energy/

Formatted Appropriately – When you get into more research and expansion of your page, it would be helpful to make bigger Headlines rather than simply numbering them. You can go to other Wikipedia pages and click “Edit” to find the codes and ways to type headings. For a quick way to add a heading, simply type the “=” sign right in front of a word, and right behind the word. So type it like this “=”Effects”=”, but without the “ symbol!!! Again, if you need any help, I’d be more than happy to help!

Overall comments and suggestions – Y’all seem to be passionate about providing the correct information regarding energy drinks. If you’re all athletes, I know you want to make sure that you can stay awake and fully capable of exerting as much energy and force as you possibly can in your games/events/whatever. I also understand that it’s important to you to make sure that you do so safely so that you can continue to play and not face the adverse affects that would be harmful to your bodies. Good luck with the rest of your research!!! I can’t wait to see what energy drink really would help me stay awake and complete my daily tasks! Melanie1013 (talk) 04:42, 21 March 2011 (UTC)

Peer Review:

I agree with the other two reviews, in that I think you need more information about the article itself. Be careful because there is an energy drink page already and you could easily simply add an effects section to that page then this article may not be necessary.

Well Written: Right off the gate the first word was incorrect when I looked at the article. Try to make sure that you get others to read over the article for you so that you can get a fresh pair of eyes. It is often easy to over look our own mistakes. Also i would love to see more of what you all have researched there isn't a lot to go on because this is kind of the bare bones of the article. Try to expand out what you are trying to talk about so that it can distinguish itself from the main page of energy drinks.

Comprehensive/ Well Researched: There wasn't enough for this to be thoroughly comprehensive but I would suggest looking at medical journals to find more information for this post. I also would suggest talking about alcohol and energy drinks (and its effects) since that is a hot topic right now that you could find a lot of information about.

Formatted Appropriately: It seems like you have the right idea as far as the section titles go just make sure you look at other people's pages in the class to get a better idea of what it is supposed to look like when you get further along.

Neutral: The article is neutral thus far, make sure that you don't come in with an idea already on the subject once you get further along in research. It's easy with this type of topic to sit on one side of the fence.

Overall: There is a lot more work to be done but it seems like you all have a solid idea. Just make sure that it is not overlapping to much with the other article. Also if there is some slight over lap but you feel like the article can still be written then I would suggest linking it with other article that would be helpful. Great job so far! Lindsayk19 (talk) 14:24, 21 March 2011 (UTC)

Peer Review

Like other reviewers, I will mention that there is another article on energy drinks. It may be appropriate for you to add this information to the main article.

Well Written: I noticed some spelling and grammar mistakes in your introduction. You might want to type in Microsoft Word so that you can use the spelling and grammar check or just get someone to proof read your article. Additionally, instead of talking about yourselves in the introduction you might just talk about student athletes. Using third person is probably more professional for this type of article.

Comprehensive: While you don't have much on your draft, I get a good feel for what you're planning to include from the outline. It seems like you plan to give a very comprehensive overview of energy drinks. There is still the issue of the other article. It might be easiest just to add on it.

Well Researched: It seems like you have several good sources. As you flesh out the article, you may want to find more sources. There is probably coverage of this topic in medical journals and in the news.

Neutral: At this point your article remains neutral. Be sure you don't take a side on the issue as you add more to the article. Again, I recommend the exclusion of the personal information in your introduction as this shows a bit of bias.

Formatted appropriately: As you flesh out the article, you should use the standard wikipedia layout and be sure to add links to other wikipedia pages and to the resources you used.

Carolyn Fagan 01:44, 22 March 2011 (UTC) — Preceding unsigned comment added by Cwfagan (talk • contribs)

Hello,

Being an athlete myself this topic is of concern to me and the health risks that go along with energy drinks. Like the previous posters, the most noticeable negative of this outline was the grammatical issues and/or misspellings. I hope these reviews make you double check those tiny details and correct them. Because there is a Wikipedia page of "Energy Drinks" it would be best in my opinion to add to this page rather then reiterating subjects that are already present on that page. Possible additions to that page after I looked at it could be: Positive effects of energy drinks, the price, and possibly relating it to the recent ban of caffeinated alcoholic drinks that have led to many deaths around the country. Because this group is filled with athletes, be sure not to take a biased approach because of your previous beliefs or instructions by coaches or trainers. Other then that, continue to research and I am excited to read your final product. Mrholman (talk) 02:15, 22 March 2011 (UTC)

Peer Review

Content/Writing:

From your introduction, it seems you are targeting a specific group of reader, which is student. This will work well if this is a webpage for a student organization as you mention “giving student athletes a better reason to rely on energy drinks”, however, Wikipedia is read by all types of audience. You can make your content more feasible, useful and neutral to the general public. The “additional writing” on the bottom of the page is well written, the information is presented very clear and detailed. It would be good if you keep this writing style consistent throughout the page. One problem on the content, Wikipedia already has a page for Energy drink with much information. You are listing it as one of the recourse. It is not logical to have the exact same topic being its own resource, unless you are defining Energy drink differently which is not the case. I suggest you look for a topic that is a “stub” or a page in need of extension in Wikipedia. It would be more helpful if you can extend on a less informative page.

Organization/Comprehensive:

The topic Energy drinks is a very board topic. Your page seems to focus on “Energy drink for athletes/student” based on the introduction, instead of a comprehensive informative page about energy drink in general. The outline seems to cover more neural material such as effects, ingredients, uses and “most popular”. I think you can organize the content in more logical order and terms, for example, ingredient is more basic than effects because the ingredient is the cause to the effect, so ingredients should be presented before effect. The term “most popular” is vague, maybe change it to “most popular drink/ company production” or something that gives a certain definition. The outline can be extended. It can contain the history, origins, different types of drinks, health effects, major production companies, development and even political/social issues, together with items you outlined.

Research:

From the sources you provided, it seems you have many articles regarding the safety of energy drinks. These only cover one item you have outlined, which is “effect”. You need more basic information/sources to write ingredient, uses, popular drinks and other content. You can search in the UNC Libraries Catalog, type in key word such as “energy drinks, ingredients” to find books or articles on related topic. Try E-Resource Tools and LexisNexis Academic for additional sources. You can even interview some health professional locally to get information on energy drinks. Here is an article about ingredient you might find helpful:

Neutral?

The introduction of the topic is not neutral since it points out the writing has a purpose to present energy drinks to college students, especially athletes. Therefore, please consider to write this for the general public to get a fair and unbias view. Also on the outline, it was not clear whether the effect is positive or negative when you write in detail. Please make sure you research enough on both sides to give a neutral view. It will also be more helpful if you contain more items in your outline, such has history, which will help the reader to get a boarder sense of the topic.

Formatted appropriate?

As for now, the format is not clear and organized. Please follow the Wikipedia style guideline to list a table of contents, a proper introduction, and headlines. It would be helpful to start search for photos you can use to enhance the information. The list of sources need to also be organized and formatted. Thank you for reading. Ching.sun99 (talk) 03:22, 22 March 2011 (UTC)