User talk:Tmbloyed/sandbox

Hi! I compared your edits to the original article and the improvements were really clarifying. You added a lot of good information there were a couple places that were a little confusing to read. When you were talking about the trees a little more information explaining what they are would be helpful. In the Threats and Challenges section you say "this species" is confusing as a reader. Other than a little clarification these edits look really nice and it's a really good start. 00:37, 7 November 2019 (UTC)AdenWhite (talk)

Hi, I also noticed a huge difference between the original article and your draft, it is looking like you really know what your talking about. I have few suggestions of what to add, although I know you aren't done and plan on adding more over the next two weeks!

Your lead sounds great, very informative and neutral. I suggest adding a sentence or two if you can, just to add a little more basic description on the Deodar forest. In your urban forest section your sentence " Placing more trees around cities is becoming increasingly more popular and a necessity, adding to property value and air quality." sounds a bit bias, specifically where u mentioned the trees as a necessity. Although I understand what you mean I would suggest rewording it such as "Placing more trees around cities is becoming increasingly more popular as more people are finding out that they add to property value and improve the air quality."

Adding more threats and challenges might draw in the reader more along with expanding more onto the cultural importance section, such as mentioning others that view the forest as important and to why they do!

If you are looking for more sections to include a history portion on the forest might be a great place to give background information!

You're off to a great start and I think your sections you've created fit well. Once you add more, if you want someone to review your work again don't be afraid to let me know! Aichelemc (talk) 02:01, 7 November 2019 (UTC)

Article draft feedback
These are strong additions! How you've organized the information you've found is clear and easy to follow. The Native Forests section in particular feels like robust information, and you maintain good neutrality throughout these additions. Some notes I have as you continue researching, adding, and revising are:
 * in the "Urban forests" section, I'm curious for a little more information about where these are popular urban additions. Is this in cities near where they naturally grow? Or are they popular in a broader range of cities internationally?
 * it seems like there are still some good opportunities for expansion here...are there specific symbioses between the deodar cedar and the understory plants? Is there more specific information you can find about how pressing a threat these tress being harvested for their lumber is to them? What ther information are you still finding?
 * every time a statement of fact is made (such as "Placing more trees around cities is becoming increasingly more popular and a necessity, adding to property value and air quality"), add the source at the end of that sentence rather than only once at the end of the paragraph.
 * there are some proofreading bumps in both the existing material (example: preposition missing in "Deodar forests are forests dominated Cedrus deodara...") and in the draft additions (one example here is proper nouns needing to be capitalized in the "Cultural importance" section)
 * are you considering adding an image to the article?

I think those are my biggest notes based on this draft. Let me know if you have any questions, and I look forward to seeing your final edits!Nicoleccc (talk) 19:41, 8 November 2019 (UTC)